Musician's Widow

November was once a month I would become downright GIDDY about arriving for the simple fact that it meant my birthday was near. Today? I look at my November calendar and all I see is… a lot going on!

November Birthdays

First and foremost is definitely BIRTHDAYS! My friend, Anne, has her birthday on the 5th. I’m right behind her on the 10th. My husband is the 19th, and my Mom’s is on the 22nd! Not to mention the countless other friends whose birthdays land this month… I think if we tried to have one big joint birthday party we’d have to have two full size sheet cakes to fit all the names!

Right there with birthdays, I can’t forget Anniversaries. My brother and sister-in-law got married on the 11th (14 years!) and our friend’s Brian and Kristen got married on the 19th (4 years!).

Important holidays: Veterans Day (11th) and Thanksgiving (26th). And of course we can’t forget National Deviled Egg Day (today!), Pack Your Mom Lunch Day (15th), and Stay At Home Because You’re Well Day (30th). (For more of these days, visit this list on About.com.)

Among these days, I am participating in NaNoWriMo. I’ve mentioned this before, but now its begun. I’m glad to say that as of right now, I am right on target to do this. Ask me again in a week how I’m doing. Then again, don’t ask. I’ll tell you on my own soon, I am sure.

On November 9th, I end my very first Project 365. In one way, I will be really glad to see it come to an end. In another, I’m sad to see it end, and I am trying to come up with my own project to replace it. I might continue on with it, but give it some sort of twist. I don’t know for sure yet. I have 8 days to decide. I’ll let you know what I decide then.

10 Years Later...

November 18th is the 10 year anniversary of the Aggie Bonfire collapse. You can rest assured I’ll have a full entry that day about it, but it is yet another anniversary that lands in this month.

In another sad memory, 10 years ago my brother was in an auto accident (on my birthday) that certainly changed my driving habits, what I drive, and without a doubt made me stop taking mine and my family and friend’s safety for granted.

Finally, big games to be played by Aggies this month. They will face Colorado, Oklahoma, Baylor and Texas this month. The Texas is back ON Thanksgiving, where it rightfully belongs. Again… that’s another entry for a later date.

Lots going on this month! I just hope I can keep up!

My core group from high school... all grown up.

After counting down to my 10-year class reunion, it is only right that I write about the actual reunion.

I flew into Texas on Wednesday night prior to my reunion. I had planned to attend the Homecoming football game, but much needed rain set into Central Texas this week and… well… there’s an amazing thing about being 10 years out of high school:

Sitting in the rain at your high school’s football game isn’t as high of a priority as it once was.

I drove by the stadium to find my Yoemen winning and see that the stands were actually fairly full. Then I went to visit my brother and his family for the evening.

The next day, Saturday, was the reunion. There was a class picnic in the morning in which classmates could bring their children out the play and mingle. However, as someone who lives on a musician’s schedule (i.e. going to bed around 4 or 5, getting up at noon) making a morning picnic was… well… it didn’t happen. I got up at noon.

My core group of girl friends came over to my parent’s house prior to the reunion to have a small baby shower for one of my friends who is pregnant (and expecting in November… a good month, in my opinion. hehe) I was REALLY glad to have that time, just the five of us, to catch up before going to the full-class gathering. Even though we’ve actually successfully gotten together a hand-full of times in the last few years, it was still nice to reconnect and catch up.

The two classmates I've known the longest... I'm happy to have this picture now. I've known both close to 25 years. Crazy.

We headed out, in the rain, to our reunion together. We all tried to guess how many of our classmates would be there. I felt the number would be fairly low, but we actually had a really good turn out! I would guess that just shy of half our class came out. (Keep in mind, my class was right around 100 people.)

Here is what is the coolest thing about the whole night: we all seemed to be on an even slate. It was rather comforting to watch how the same groups of people still hung out with one another. Like the group I was with most were the same people I ran with through high school. However, there was none of the cliche high school cliques any more. I found myself floating between groups easily…

And that in and of itself is something I found had changed about ME. I couldn’t sit still for long. I had the need and urge to meander around. People watch from other angles. Talk to various people. Dance. Join in on rounds of shots. If I could name the number one change about me from high school: I’m not as shy as I was back then. Its something I, with all honesty, credit my husband with making happen, and I am so grateful for it.

Facebook took a lot of the mystery out of the night ahead of time. Most of my classmate’s spouses I recognized from pictures they have posted online. Many of us also knew exactly what we are all doing today. Nonetheless, it didn’t make it any less amazing to listen to people speak of their spouses and/or their children. I quickly came to realize that seeing someone in a photo is nothing like seeing them in person. Nothing like getting a taste of their personality today.

Many toasts were said through the course of the night. Most humorous. Some serious. Here's to the Class of 1999. I love you guys!

Most of my classmates haven’t changed much, only getting better with time. A few I had to almost smile with how they’ve really not changed at all, as certain traits from back then shined right through the changes in looks that age brings.

Speaking of which, there was a lot of comfort in the fact that name tags were not necessary at our reunion, as classmates were easily recognized. A few people I saw I’d, in all honesty, completely forgotten about, but I was pleased to recognize.

There were classmates missing that I had wished would be there. It would have been wonderful to catch up with them. But work, finances, and miles kept many away, and that is something I understand all too well.

My only regrets of the night are that we didn’t take a class photo and that my husband couldn’t be there with me. But, there is always the next reunion… be it in 5 or 10 years. I’m already looking forward to it.

Tomorrow, I will be attending my 10 Year Class Reunion. In these days, I will take the opportunity to look back on ten of my favorite elements of high school (in no particular order of importance)…

#1 – In loving memory…

I went to visit my friend yesterday, and I took her a single red rose. I miss her dearly.

Five years after graduation, the Class of 1999 lost one of its members in an automobile accident. I lost a friend who had a very special place in my heart… a friend who still has that place to this day.

While I am sure I knew Candace somehow through elementary school, it was in sixth grade that our friendship seemed to really spark. At least, that is when my fond memories of her start.

We had sixth grade science together, and we had to participate in the science fair. That meant having to purchase a presentation board for the fair.

Candace paid for hers in all pennies.

Later that year, I forget what our class was doing that she brought deviled eggs to class as part of her project. However, I do remember going to her after class and saying, “Hey… I’ll be your best friend if I can have one…” She pretty much rolled her eyes at me the same time I rolled my eyes internally at myself for even using that old cliche.

I did not know when I said that, though, that she would be one of those people to truly leave a mark on my life that will be there until the day I die.

I have SEVERAL pictures of Candace taking a picture of me while I took a picture of her. It was like a running joke.

Candace simply had this open and innocent nature, even as you knew she’d already lived a lot of life by junior high. I don’t think anyone would disagree with me when I say she had this ditziness that made you shake and scratch your head, and yet she was in National Honor Society in high school and took advanced placement classes.

She was a natural beauty, one of those rare beauties who didn’t have to wear make-up or fix her hair to still stand out in a crowd. That fact was one part natural good looks and one part inner beauty that shown through her personality and easy smile. I really don’t think she was ever want for male attention, and yet I don’t know of many women who would have begrudged her that fact.

I could go on and on about memories I have of our friendship, but I will do my best to keep it short… ish.

Candace would always wear her ponytail up high on her head, and she quickly earned the nickname “Pebbles.” I still have cards from her signed with that name. A Pebbles she was, too!

I remember calling to dedicate LeAnn Rimes’ “(Don’t Ever Lose) That Light in Your Eyes” to her on WACO 100. And she would dedicate any given song back to me. I wish I could remember now what it was she called in now. That part of that  memory escapes me, but LeAnn’s song always reminds me of her.

Me and Candace at Flag camp -- 1997

So does “Wonderwall” by Oasis, as I still remember her singing along to it in the cafeteria when it would come on the jukebox.

She went to the same church as I did, and we went through Confirmation together. I think it was during projects we did as part of our Confirmation that she met my brother. I remember that she was one of the only friends of mine that my brother actually stopped me to tell me, “She’s really cool. I like her!” I told her that one day, and she would always — from then forward — make sure to go out of her way to say hello to him whenever he was around.

Un-apologetically open and friendly. That was Candace.

I remember, also, as we worked on a project for Confirmation, she and another friend spent the night at my house with me. She wanted to know why we made her sleep on the love seat, while the two of us had the couches. I pointed out she was a good five inches shorter than both of us.She took it good naturedly, but pouted about it nonetheless. What I’d give to banter with her again, if only for a few minutes.  It would almost always end in gales of laughter.

These two were unseperable!

Candace was a member of the Flag Corp, and that sisterhood offered even more memories. Too many to even begin to list.

This weekend is homecoming, and Candace made her appearance on the Homecoming court. She shined out there on that field.

Our Senior year, near the end of the Fall Semester, we came close to losing her in an auto accident. I still remember when the call came, and I got word it had happened. I went numb…

One of my favorite photos in our Senior Yearbook is a photo of Candace in her cap and gown, with a far away look in her eyes. She came all too close to not being there that night, and yet there she was. A few more scars on her body, but she was there with our class. Getting her diploma with the rest of us.

She would always bring her tax return to have my parents prepare it for her. The last time I saw her was on a very cold February or March day, when I met her and her boyfriend at my parent’s office to get their tax information from them.

Candace giving me a pout... Our last night to ever perform together on the field. -- 1997

My parents had to run an errand out of town, and I was more than happy to meet Candace, who had an appointment that Saturday morning, at the office for them. I hadn’t seen her in far too long, and I itched to know how she was doing. For even though we had drifted in location, and we didn’t “hang out” any more nor did we ever run around and go out together, I still considered her one of my very best friends.

However, I drove up late only to discover I had the wrong keys. We didn’t get a chance to visit much as we stood there shivering and she handed me their information outside.

I hugged her tightly and we said a very hasty good bye to get back into our warm vehicles. I apologized up and down for my tardiness and for forgetting my keys. I still remember her giving me her patented, “You’re crazy” look and laughing at my being so flustered — something only someone so familiar with you can do and you know its done out of love.

The next year, I missed her coming into the office to drop off and pick up her return. I had no idea it would be my last chance to ever see her again.

I got word that night in April 2003 that there had been an accident. Once again I went numb. She’d cheated death before, but was not so lucky this time. This world lost a light that night, but it gained an angel above. I like to think she’s one of my guardian angels… be it true or not, it gives me comfort.

I had a final in one of my major Journalism courses at Texas A&M the day of her funeral. It was one of the finals you were there to take even if you had 103 fever. Candace was always one of my biggest cheerleaders (and not to mention an Aggie fan!), and I felt she would probably kick my butt if I missed my final. However, I did make it to the Rosary the night before. That night is my very last, deeply treasured, memory of her.

So as the Class of 1999 gathers tomorrow night, her absence will be felt deeply. She’s not there by choice. She’s not there because… she’s not here.

I went to visit her grave yesterday, and I mused to myself, “Where would she be today if…” as I stared at her headstone.

I know that asking that question doesn’t get me anywhere. I instead choose to believe in my heart that she’s smiling down on me and everyone she ever cared about and loved in life. I choose to believe she is happy that I’ve accomplished as many of my dreams as I have. Happy I’ve found a man I love to grow old with. Happy I have a wonderful family who all also remember her fondly. Happy to be one of the voices in my conscience, guiding me in various tasks and decisions. Happy to be poking fun at me when I do something goofy.

Here’s to believing wherever she is now, she’s happy and smiling nonstop. She deserves absolutely nothing less.

In two days, I will be attending my 10 Year Class Reunion. In these days, I will take the opportunity to look back on ten of my favorite elements of high school (in no particular order of importance)…

#2 – Graduation

Thirteen years had lead to that night.

Kindergarten at St. Monica’s. First and second grade at Ben Milam Elementary. Third through fifth at Ada Henderson. Junior high at O.J. Thomas. Finally Yoe High School.

Hours of classes. Hours of homework. All the organizations. All the events. The love. The pride. The friendships that would fade. The friendships that would last a lifetime.

It all culminated on May 29, 1999 at 8:00 pm on Yoe High School Athletic Field when we stood for one last time as one unit. We were and are the Class of 1999.

The day of graduation started with practice both on the field and in the gymnasium (in case of rain). We came really close to having to be in the gym, as I remember the sky having a distinctly greenish tinge to it, as storms churned and billowed in the area.

I sat ranked 13th in my class. I would be heading off to Temple College in the fall, followed by Texas A&M University in College Station. I would soon be a member of the Fightin’ Texas Aggie Class of 2003, along with many of my Yoe High classmates. We had future Texas Longhorns and Southwest Texas Bobcats. Baylor Bears and Texas Tech Red Raiders.  Some would be going straight into the work force. Others would be getting ready to start families.

My Senior Portraits - 1999

However in that moment, in that place and time, we were all on the same page. The whole world and our lives ahead of us. We were jumping off into it with the safety net of our education but without any guarantees. However, we had in our hands, inside the maroon leather cover, our high school diplomas. And that was enough.

I think everyone in my class will agree that one of the most memorable parts of the night was our salutatorian reading Dr. Seuss’ “Oh The Place You’ll Go.” We had the oldest daughter of our school board president in our class, and I remember her hugging her dad when she got her diploma.  We sang “On Yoe High” one last time. We turned our tassels and stood poised to dash across the field.

As the night ended, we knew not what the future held. And somehow, it didn’t matter. We’d done it. We’d made it to our graduation night. We had something to celebrate.

Friends and classmates forever...

Friends and family swarmed the field. Pictures were taken and there were hugs and tears. Most of my class went on to Senior Celebration that night after graduation. I opted to celebrate at home with family. I also had obligations at church early the very next morning, so I skipped my class party. Therefore, when I look back on graduation, I realize that it was the last time I saw and spoke to many of my classmates.

These people were a constant for me. I had stood beside them. I had learned beside them. I had played with and relied upon them for the last thirteen years. Suddenly, that would no longer happen. I was excited for my future. But I also mourned the loss of these relationships.

I look back upon that night as a huge turning point in life. It was a step from something familiar out into the great unknown of life.

Life is a still a great unknown… but my educations (high school and college,  the practical, social and academic) have given me the tools to navigate through it, one challenge, failure and success at a time.

Yoe High Class of 1999 -- There were freaks and hippies in my high school // Football players all tryin’ to be cool // And everybody scramblin’ to hide their beer // When the cops drove by ‘til the coast was clear // Kids fallin’ in and out of love // On the hood of Chevys, in the beds of trucks // We were stumblin’ our way through life ‘til our senior year

In three days, I will be attending my 10 Year Class Reunion. In these days, I will take the opportunity to look back on ten of my favorite elements of high school (in no particular order of importance)…

#3 – Prom

Prom 1998 & 1999

Prom is one of those events in a high school career that you look forward to starting around the time you can say the word “prom.” Or at least it was for me. A night to get all dressed up and go out for what promised to be a magical evening.

In reality, was it magical? Maybe not so much. It was, however, a lot of fun.

In my high school, prom was for Juniors and Seniors. The Junior class hosted the prom, and the Seniors were the special guests of the night. Neither year did I have a date, instead I went out a group of girlfriends for the night.

Our Junior year, we loaded up and went out to eat prior to going to the prom. My parents loaned us their Grand Marquis to drive for the night, and we road in leather seat luxury.

After wards, we all spent the night at one of the girls’ parent’s house. We made a night of it! Prom followed by a big slumber party.

Our Senior year, due to timing issues (mostly my having UIL competition that same day), we opted to have dinner after prom.

The year before, we’d been late arriving, and we agreed the most fun of the night had really been the beginning: the grand march. And then, of course, you wanted to get your prom picture taken early when you still looked your best.

I have to give it to the Class of 2000… they did a fantastic job decorating the VFW where we held prom. Looking back, I do think they did a better job hosting prom than my class did. (Just my personal opinion, of course.) We were late to our dinner reservations, because we were having too much fun to leave prom!

Dinner was wonderful, though, and after wards we headed to another friend’s house for our “slumber party.” Our biggest giggle of the night had to be the flat tire we got on our way home. We had to wait for help to come as none of us could see ourselves trying to change a tire in long dresses, hair and nails done.

But we eventually made it to the post-party, and our night ended quietly tucked away in an upstairs den fast asleep surrounded by the friends we’d hold forever in hearts.

Prom is generally considered a night for couples. For me, it was a night of best friends, prom dresses, and snap shots of memories that will last a lifetime.

Friendships & Prom Memories