Musician's Widow

Aggie Bonfire 2007 -- Photo By Mikel Duke (mikel_duke on Flickr)

Twelve years ago, on November 18, 1999, at 2:42 am, a favorite Texas A&M Aggie Tradition turned into an Aggie Tragedy. One that makes all Aggies pause — and will bring a tear to the eye.

Since the initial Bonfire in 1909, Texas A&M students have banded together each year to build and burn the Bonfire, and in the process helped it to evolve into the largest in the world. Bonfire burned each year through 1998, with the exception of 1963. That year Bonfire was built but torn down in a tribute to President John F. Kennedy who was assassinated on November 22, 1963.[...] The second time in A&M’s history that Bonfire did not burn was almost exactly 92 years after the first Bonfire due to its collapse on November 18th, 1999 at 2:42 a.m.  The collapse killed 12 Aggies and injured 27 others. Five years later, the Bonfire Memorial was dedicated on the exact location of the ’99 Bonfire.*

The Bonfire has not OFFICIALLY burned since that fateful night, twelve years ago. There have been off-campus bonfires, but it is no longer a University-sanctioned event.

It seems almost… I don’t know… poetic, I suppose, the it is 12 years after that collapse that we look at facing Texas for the last time.

From its inception as a scrap heap to the more familiar and impressive stack of vertical logs, the Texas Aggie Bonfire symbolized every Aggie’s “burning desire” to beat the University of Texas in football. Attracting between 30,000 and 70,000 people each year to watch it burn, Bonfire became a symbol of the deep and unique camaraderie that is the Aggie Spirit. *

In an even deeper stab to Aggie hearts is the fact that it was 12 Aggies that died in the collapse. Texas A&M is home of the 12th Man! The student body is the 12th Man. And we lost… 12 men (and women).

After the bonfire fell on November 18, overwhelming grief surrounded the university and the community. It was clear that the 12 students who died created a symbolic meaning from that number. †

We remember in our hearts today: Denise Adams, class of 2002; Christopher Breen, class of 1997; Michael Ebanks, class of 2003; Jeremy Framptom, class of 2000; Jaime Hand, class of 2003; Christopher Heard, class of 2002; Timothy Kerlee, Jr., class of 2003; Lucas Kimmel, class of 2003; Bryan McClain, class of 2003; Chad Powell, class of 2003; Jerry Self, class of 2002; and Nathan West, class of 2002.

The Aggie Spirit… Well. Our saying of, “From the outside looking in, you can’t understand it. And from the inside looking out, you can’t explain it.” And maybe today is one of those days that no one could possibly understand. I still get comments occasionally, “Oh yeah… aren’t ya’ll the ones that did that big burn thing?” And I try to keep my patience and know… no one can understand what Bonfire meant to Aggies, and what its come to mean today. But it sometimes makes me flinch deep down, and I usually do all I can to change the subject.

This tragedy tore at Aggie’s hearts that day, that week, that year… and still today. Any footage of that time brings tears to my eyes. Just today, at 2:42 am, I watched a video of the University of Texas band playing Amazing Grace at half-time of the 1999 game. I cried all over again. Just as I cried at that game that day.

It’s been 12 years, and life has continued on… but still we pause a moment to remember.

“There’s a Spirit, can ne’er be told… its the Spirit of Aggieland.”

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I directly quoted from these sites in this post:

◊ Flickr photo used
*Histroy of Bonfire and Bonfire Memorial
† The 12th Man Tradition

I missed my first day in three months of blogging yesterday. But I have a good excuse: I was living my life.

Nine years ago, I attended my first concert as a “guest of the band.” I set foot on a tour bus for the first time. I held an All Access laminate for the first time. I even met the guy I would much later marry for the first time.

The end of that weekend, I wrote a journal entry in my private journal entitled, “Weekend dreams are made of” and in it, I chronicled every second of every moment of the day. Fast forward to today, and as I remember that entry I have to laugh. Back then, I’d never heard the phrase, “Livin’ the dream…” in reference to the music industry, and today I hear it used in a sarcastic irony.

The last few days, I’ve been off living… living the dream I spoke of nine years ago. Living the dream of life being dictated by the music industry… its perks right along with its (unknown to me then) downfalls.

In the last few days I’ve run on little sleep, attended my first CD release party, rode a tour bus through the day and night to tag along at a live music radio show, made plans to attend the Opry, and been reminded of debts that are in collections.

Like I said, the perks and the downfalls all rolled into a few days… I wouldn’t trade any of it for anything. Not a single note, hour, or bill. It’s my life, and I love it.

Living and loving my life feeds into my career dreams of writing for a living. The more life I live, the more I have to write about. The more I live the dream, the bigger the dream becomes.

And you gotta love that.

I doubt many people know that my husband and I dated long distance literally until about three months before our wedding.

I lived in Central Texas. He lived in Nashville, TN. Our “dating” days (which if you ask me when they began, I wouldn’t be able to tell you) existed in the form of phone calls, late night AIM chat-sessions, and occasional trips between Texas and Tennessee. I scoured his tour schedule for shows within about a six-hour driving radius of where I was.

However, its the long-distance nature of how our relationship started that I credit with why we are both so cool about either of us “going on the road for work” for an extended period of time. It’s just as normal (if not more normal!) as being under the same roof!

Recently, we found ourselves very much in old roles. I’m in Texas working with my parents through tax season, and thus I am in my old bedroom. And I found myself chatting with  my husband on the phone as he drove tour bus. We BOTH commented how it brought back memories.

See, I used to stay up all night long with him on the phone while he drove bus through the night. He has his CDL and is a co-driver on long trips. However, for a period of time, he was the only driver for the artist he worked for. So, he’d drive all night, get to the town they would be doing a show. He’d sleep a few hours. Get up to set up his gear and soundcheck. Eat a little. Grab some more sleep. Get up to do the show. Tear down, load up and head to the next town. To help keep him awake, I’d stay on the phone with him for hours on end.

I don’t know, now, how either of us did it. How he would run on such little sleep, and how I’d stay up all night, get a couple hours of sleep, then go to work. Naps were a friend, I suppose. However, sleep just didn’t seem to matter as much.

I got to see so much of the United States through the phone! Some nights we’d have nothing to talk about other than what he was seeing in front of him on the road. Road construction. Landmarks. He’d have me check the weather ahead if he saw lightening in the distance. I got him lost in Chicago once, trying to be his navigator (because this was before everyone had a GPS). We got good at handling dropped calls when he’d go through a patch of highway that had no cell service.

It was in those long late night hours, when he was chasing headlights and I was laying in the dark in a room lit only by a computer monitor or cell phone screen, that we went from being just good buddies to discovering there was something deeper there.

Today, he has a GPS and doesn’t need me to navigate, but I like to follow along using Google maps. Sometimes I still look ahead for a Pilot or Flying J for him. I’ll still check the weather once in awhile. But mostly, we could be in the truck together. Sitting at times in silence, just enjoying knowing that we’re each on the other end of the line.

Through those years of phone calls and IM chats, we’ve developed an awesome level of communication. We can read each others moods in a word much of the time. We’ve come a long way, but its on that solid base that we build our life. Going back to that role — me in my old bedroom at my parents’ house, again in a dark room lit by a computer monitor, and him chasing headlights taking his turn behind the wheel — reminds us of where we started, and it just seems to make us more solid.

I think all too often, married couples forget what its like to be “new.” They forget what its like to be in that “dating” roll again. Late night chats by phone? Those were dates for me and my husband back in the day. It was neat to go back to that style of dating. I wouldn’t ever want to go back to it full-time! But it made me smile, and it once again made me appreciate us and the life we have.

I still remember my dad doing tax returns out of our living room when I was a kid. He had a full-time job during the day, but would do returns in the evenings between January and April 15th.

As the years passed, the living room office turned into a separate building, and the full-time job for both Mom and Dad became the family business. By the time I was in high school, I was used to having them able to attend countless events due to the flexibility of self-employment. However, in the same breath, I coined myself the term “Tax Season Orphan” as through tax season, I was used to their putting in long hours at work.

I would help out at the office regularly. Sometimes filing. Sometimes shredding papers. Sometimes data input. Sometimes just running errands. I could really truthfully say I’ve worked at the office since high school, its just been a bit sporadic.

I swore I wouldn’t do anything dealing with math, and my love for writing sent me to a Journalism degree. I worked at a newspaper for a year and a half, and, of course, I’ve married and moved to Nashville. Nonetheless, I have continued to help out using my degree for advertising, designing the web-site, etc.

Last year, I spent most of tax season in Texas working at the family business. My husband and I joked that it was my turn to be on the road for work, like he usually is doing his job. I would spend three weeks in Texas, one week in Nashville, and then do it all over again. All the way through tax season.

It worked out nicely! My parents didn’t have to hire and train a new employee, and I was happy to have the work. So, it was pretty much a no-brainer to do it again this year.

Today was my first day in the office for this tax season.

My husband and I drove down to Texas last week, as he has a show in Houston anyway. I was able to come see him at work for the show, and we got to spend a few extra days together going into the season.

He left back for Nashville yesterday, and I teased him that he was a Tax Season Widower.

It is what it is, and we’re good at the long-distance thing. For the next three months, I’m the Musician’s Widow married to the Tax Season Widower. We’re a pair, aren’t we? I think the time apart makes us appreciate our time together all the more… and that makes me grateful.

So here we go! Most of my time in Texas, with trips to Nashville in between. Let the “Tax Season Shuffle” begin!

November was once a month I would become downright GIDDY about arriving for the simple fact that it meant my birthday was near. Today? I look at my November calendar and all I see is… a lot going on!

November Birthdays

First and foremost is definitely BIRTHDAYS! My friend, Anne, has her birthday on the 5th. I’m right behind her on the 10th. My husband is the 19th, and my Mom’s is on the 22nd! Not to mention the countless other friends whose birthdays land this month… I think if we tried to have one big joint birthday party we’d have to have two full size sheet cakes to fit all the names!

Right there with birthdays, I can’t forget Anniversaries. My brother and sister-in-law got married on the 11th (14 years!) and our friend’s Brian and Kristen got married on the 19th (4 years!).

Important holidays: Veterans Day (11th) and Thanksgiving (26th). And of course we can’t forget National Deviled Egg Day (today!), Pack Your Mom Lunch Day (15th), and Stay At Home Because You’re Well Day (30th). (For more of these days, visit this list on About.com.)

Among these days, I am participating in NaNoWriMo. I’ve mentioned this before, but now its begun. I’m glad to say that as of right now, I am right on target to do this. Ask me again in a week how I’m doing. Then again, don’t ask. I’ll tell you on my own soon, I am sure.

On November 9th, I end my very first Project 365. In one way, I will be really glad to see it come to an end. In another, I’m sad to see it end, and I am trying to come up with my own project to replace it. I might continue on with it, but give it some sort of twist. I don’t know for sure yet. I have 8 days to decide. I’ll let you know what I decide then.

10 Years Later...

November 18th is the 10 year anniversary of the Aggie Bonfire collapse. You can rest assured I’ll have a full entry that day about it, but it is yet another anniversary that lands in this month.

In another sad memory, 10 years ago my brother was in an auto accident (on my birthday) that certainly changed my driving habits, what I drive, and without a doubt made me stop taking mine and my family and friend’s safety for granted.

Finally, big games to be played by Aggies this month. They will face Colorado, Oklahoma, Baylor and Texas this month. The Texas is back ON Thanksgiving, where it rightfully belongs. Again… that’s another entry for a later date.

Lots going on this month! I just hope I can keep up!

Follow-up to my previous blog entry on May 1:

The memorial for Brian Steele this week was nothing short of amazing. The sheer number of people who came together in his memory was moving, and to see it come together so well gave me this unexplainable JOY.

THIS is what a memorial should be like… celebrating a life and the connections a person brought together, even as we remain saddened that the person is gone from our life.

It got me thinking and wondering: if something happened to me, how would I be remembered? As I take stock of another person’s life — a person who so clearly touched so many people in such a positive way — it makes me want to be better myself. To reach out more to others. To make people smile and laugh.

And when it’s my time to go, I want the people who knew me to throw down like we did for Brian. Dance the night away. Shots all around (be it of alcohol or water!). Laughter right along with tears.

I’ve heard it so often that a funeral should be more a celebration of a life lived than a lamenting a life lost. The memorial this week was exactly that. I liked that… a lot. Celebrate the life that was lived, even as you mourn in your heart.