Musician's Widow

The "Drive Drunk, Get Nailed" campaign aims to stop drunk driving.

It’s been reported that the July 4th weekend is the most deadly on the highways, with alcohol being the biggest contributor. I think another big contributor is simple lack of attention to your surroundings.

I am not a perfect driver. I have made my share of errors on the highway, when I’ve missed a sign or totally did not see another vehicle. I’ve had a couple of accidents (one weather related, the other was never fully determined what happened). I repeat, I have made my mistakes.

That being said, I will also admit to having my own version of road rage. My family, thankfully, lets it roll off them. Heck, my husband often says he doesn’t need road rage any more. I do it for him! I think friends find it a little funny. In hindsight, I usually feel a little silly and embarrassed by my rants, but I seem to do it consistently.

See, my version of road rage consists generally of a string of curse words, a rant about what happened and an angry glare at the offending vehicle. I’m all bark and no bite. I talk a big talk, but even if I end up side-by-side with the offender, I will stop glaring and purse my lips staring straight ahead. I don’t do angry confrontation. It’s not worth it in the end. But boy do I rant a good rant in the confines of my truck!

The long and short of it is the fact that my rants come from a blatant disregard for other drivers and traffic rules. My biggest annoyances on the highway:

• Yield signs mean to stop if there is on-coming traffic. Yield does NOT equal merge. It does not mean speed up and force your way into traffic. I have too many times watched vehicles blow through a yield sign and force another car out of their lane or even off the road completely.  Just today I had a guy blast through a yield sign, then immediately stop to make a right turn, almost causing a multi-car pile-up. I repeat YIELD DOES NOT MEAN MERGE.
• If you are not going the speed limit, do NOT get in the far left lane. Many state’s drivering laws state that the left lane is for passing. Which means, basically, the left lane is the “fast lane” there for those going faster to easily pass those who are going slower. Open your eyes. Look in your rearview mirror (its there for more than checking your lipstick). Realize you are holding up traffic and move out of the lane. Too many times, I’ve watched someone enter the interstate, cut across four lanes, and camp out in the fast lane. Many times these people are going 5 – 10 below the speed limit, forcing those going the speed limit — or admittedly a little over — to have to go around them on the right, which generally ends up mixing up traffic in more than one lane and causing headaches for many other drivers.
• Turn signals come standard on all vehicles. Use it. Love it. Live it. Realize the people around you are NOT psychic. They do NOT know you are going to turn. They do NOT know you are going to change lanes. They do NOT know you want to come over when traffic is backed up. Turn on a blinker and help people out. Believe it or not, this will even make for a more pleasant drive for YOU as well as for those around you. (Of course, I make this rant, but clearly remember a Nashville Metro Police Cruiser cut me off without using his blinker once while traveling down I-40 into town. I guess it COULD be argued that if the cops can’t even use a blinker, why should any one else. *sad face*)
• Heads up. As I mentioned before, vehicles come with mirrors. They aren’t there for you to check yourself out. Use them to look around. Take a moment and look over your shoulder directly as well (especially when backing up!). Check extra hard for bicycles, motorcycles and pedestrians.
  • Vehicles have blind spots, and that I can understand. My truck has a couple monster blind spots, and my biggest fear these days is not noticing a vehicle running in my blind-spot and my changing lanes into them. Similarly, be aware of you yourself being in a person’s blind-spot. Just don’t do it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had another vehicle pace me and camp out in my blind-spot. It’s stressful for the other driver, and it puts you in a bad place should there need to be any sort of sudden evasive maneuver by the other person. You’re flirting with danger.
  • Use your rearview mirror. Know whats coming up behind you. Its not weakness to let someone pass that’s going faster. You’re not “saving” them nor are you “teaching them a lesson” by holding them up. Let ‘em go and let the police handle it. Chances are, once they DO get around you, they’re going to drive even MORE recklessly than if you’d just let them pass in the first place. Why cause yourself AND them the frustration and anger. Let ‘em fly. (Besides, when YOU are late or maybe have an emergency, don’t you wish that other person would let you go?)  *This is also a big one when it comes to emergency vehicles! Know they are coming up on you and let them pass! Also, move over if you see one on the side of the road ahead of you. It’s the law.*
  • Use your side mirrors. Know what’s coming up beside you. Remember that blind spot I talked about? Not as big of an issue if you were aware of that vehicle in the first place. Either they were coming up on you, or you just passed them… either way, if you’re paying attention, the blind spot won’t matter as much. You’ll know there’s the possibility of a vehicle being beside you.
• Slow down in residential areas. Turn your radio down, too. These are people’s homes. There are children playing here and could run out at any given moment. Maybe someone is down with a fever in bed and the last thing they need is your bass booming at them. Its called respect for those who live in the homes you are passing.
• Actually, slow down in general. I used to be known for speeding. It was kind of a running joke with friends. Frankly, I’ve slowed down a lot through the years. Do I still push it some times? I do. Mostly in an attempt to just go the flow of traffic. But there’s still no excuse and something I admit to needing to work on more… speed limits exist for a reason. Even when the reason isn’t clear to us.
• Stop signs. The person who stops first has the right-of-way. If two stop at the same time, the person on the right has the right-of-way. (Meaning, if the other car is on your left, YOU are the person to the right.) If two stop at the same time across from one another, and one person is making a left and the other going straight, the person going straight has the right-of-way.
• Making a right turn does not mean you don’t have to stop at a red light or a stop sign. You still have to stop. Not just a rolling stop. A full stop. And look to see if anyone is coming. And if they are, and they have the right of way, don’t just assume, “Oh they’ll slow down for me” and pull out any way. Stop. Wait. Let them pass. Then go.
• Don’t pass on a hill, in a curve or in a general no-passing zone. These solid lines on the highway are there for a reason. Passing in these places is like asking to not get there at all.
• Truckers, Buses, and other large vehicles.
  • Car drivers, respect these guys. They go many miles in a day, and encounter more “bad drivers” than any of us could imagine. Don’t be one of their stresses. It’s not as easy for them to maneuver tight areas as it is for the rest of us on the high way. Don’t jump in front of them when they are trying to come to a stop, they have a heavy load and it takes longer for them to stop. Don’t sit in THEIR blind-spot. If you’re going to pass, PASS. Don’t just sit there, afraid to pass. Give them room to change lanes. They put their blinker on, let them in… don’t force them to do what they have to do and cut you or others off by not heeding their polite request.  Those thirty extra seconds in your drive just aren’t worth it.
  • Similarly, truck drivers, look out for vehicles and don’t tailgate us! I have literally had truck drivers put me into tears from fear, because they’ve ridden up on my back bumper so hard… and there was nothing I could do about it. I COULDN’T move over to let them pass. I COULDN’T speed up for them. I was totally  boxed in, and thought I was dead because all I saw in my rearview mirror was “Peterbilt.” Twice in one week (once to me, and once to my husband) we had a truck turn on his blinker the exact same instant he was already moving over… and we were already starting to pass. We were thankful for good brakes and quick reflexes, lest the trucks have clipped our front end and spun us out. Had they paused a moment, we both would have happily backed off and let them in safely. Just because sometimes people don’t let you in and you have to make a “rude” action, doesn’t mean there aren’t those drivers who will work with you.  You’re bigger than everyone else on the road… this comes with some responsibility as much as it comes with respect. Work with us and some of us will work with you.
• Drunk driving. Texting while driving. Digging through your backseat and driving. Sleepy driving. Reading while driving. All these things make you less aware. You may have done in a million times without incident, but it doesn’t make it any more okay. You are no longer aware of what is going on around you. Pull over or just don’t get behind the wheel. Put your distracted state with drivers who have blinders on… and its a recipe for disaster. (There are countless videos available on the internet showing the consequences of distracted driving… like this one, this one and this one. They’ll make your stomach turn and tear your heart out. Some of these, I couldn’t even watch all the way through. You’ve been warned.)
• Drive with confidence, not arrogance.
  • One of my biggest stresses, living in a city that thrives on tourism, is tourists. The people who forget that this city is somewhere people do live, and that slowing down at every intersection to read the sign is a huge cause of irritation. Or perhaps you realize your lane is a turn only lane and instead of attempting to merge safely (or making the turn and just finding somewhere to turn around and come back!) they just jump lanes and wave sheepishly in hopes their out of state plates give them an excuse. Drive with confidence even in a place where you are unfamiliar. You can almost always find a drive way or a parking lot to turn around if you miss your turn. Or, don’t be afraid to ask directions! Locals can often give you easy to find landmarks that will help you in your path. “It’s just past the Kroger on the right!” or “Look for the big pink house, and you know you are getting close.”
  • Arrogance does not equal confidence. Arrogant driving is when you refuse to “work with” other drivers. You refuse to let them over even if they have on their blinker. You think holding someone back is “for their own good” or you think a person making a turn into a drive way is in your way. You always have the right-of-way at intersections. You know better than anyone else on the roads. You think you never make a single mistake.

Like I said as I started this post, I am not a perfect driver. Lord knows I have done my share of dumb things — especially as a teenager when I thought I was invincible. Truth be told, I’ve broken one or more of these rants at some point; I’m sure I’ve cause my own share of road rage in others.

My aim here is simply to bring up traffic laws or ideas that I’ve seen over the course of the last several years broken time and time and time again. The things that I’ve discovered will trigger my #!&*@!#@$ reflex fastest.

Do you have any driver irritations not listed here? Please share them!

Feeling moody today

My mom talks to me a lot about living in the moment, and I’ve noticed more and more that its sinking in, and I’m going just that.

Live in the moment and enjoy it. Don’t stress about what is to come. Don’t regret what happened in the past. Live in this very moment. Enjoy it and have faith tomorrow’s concerns will work out due to the actions you’ve taken today… actions you took while living in the moment.

I’ve gotten a lot better at that lately. I’ve always been a positive and optimistic person, so my natural inclination is to find a way to be that way. These days, money concerns have without a doubt made that harder to do. And I have my days in which I let that get to me. On a whole, I’ve discovered that worrying and stressing about it only makes it worse. It keeps me from actively working to correct my “problem” and it clouds my judgment quickly. But, like I said, I have those days in which it gets me down.

Today was pretty much one of those days.

The funny thing is that I’ve had a really good week at work, and I’m going into another good week. Really, no reason for me to get down! But I just woke up feeling like I am swimming against the current, and while I am kicking harder than ever… I’m standing still. This feeling just left me with a patience level depleted.

A patience level that was tested multiple times today…

Yes. I am here to whine/rant/complain/bitch… all of the above.

A trip to the grocery store: the sacker put my eggs at the bottom of the bag. He’s lucky none broke. I was in the right mood to actually go back and complain.

Also? Those grocery carts that are made to look like a race car? Yeah, we didn’t have those when I was a kid, and I got through life just fine. And now, I spend half my shopping trip waiting for someone to navigate one of those monstrosities around a corner. Like Craig said, my opinion of them will probably change once I become a Mom myself, and to all the Moms reading this, I apologize. But as of right now, if I had a magical ray to destroy all of these carts, I’d use it.

The drive home: drivers with no clue how to navigate a 4-way stop. Seriously people. If you don’t know the rules of the road, don’t get behind the wheel. It’s that simple and would make sure the rest of us have fewer headaches (and keep me from using a variety of four-letter words.)

At work: I know my lack of patience dealing with drunks makes my working as a bartender a bit of an oxymoron. But when you’re too drunk to understand that I owe you change for your hot dog and you don’t owe me money still… you should seriously go home and sleep it off. Seriously.

Then later, a girl rants about work and how, “If you didn’t tip your waitress at Cracker Barrel it means you have lots of money!” and then fails to tip me, I have to laugh and bite back the retort, “Wow, you must have a lot of money!”

The drive home: Dude, what’s your deal? You don’t want me to pass, but you don’t really want to go as fast as I am going. Granted, this is comical (especially considering its a 4-lane interstate and we’re in different lanes), but also highly annoying. Either just let me pass you and be done with it, or set your cruise a bit higher and get lost.

The cats: Dear cat, please don’t throw up on the couch. If you must do so, at LEAST get off the furniture. Preferably, go find some linoleum, but I’ll be happy with you just getting off the couch. Please. I don’t ask much of you. You could at least do this for me. Thanks!

So. Yes. Here I am in rant mode, hoping to be in a better mood tomorrow. It’s just one of those days. Its my monthly down day. I think I’m allowed that.

Now… no more until next year.

I hope.

I did a Google search tonight.  “How to dress for church.” I came up with 37,700,000 results. Several How-to sites came up. A few blog posts (this one being my favorite that I found). A site with quotes about dressing up for church. It seems this is a topic that has been pondered many times over, and yet the answer still remains unclear.

I’ll be up front here and now about the fact that I am Catholic, and thus I am writing from that knowledge and stand point. I have attended services in the Lutheran, Baptist and Church of Christ faiths as well for various happenings. But I wanted to get that little “disclaimer” out there.

I absolutely love to attend mass every week. For one thing, its something familiar from my childhood that I carry on today. For another, church and faith keep me grounded, thankful, and hopeful. And finally… when I miss mass too many times in a row, I start to notice all other areas of my life start to get strained and tested. It is definitely one of my rocks in life.

I remember as a kid, I always had a new dress for Easter and for Christmas. We’d always “dress up” for mass every weekend. As did everyone around us.

Through the years, however, dressing for church has gone by the wayside. Yes, I admit, I regularly do wear jeans to church, but I never wear faded or torn up jeans. Dressier jeans with a nice top and nice boots or heals are my normal dress for mass. I still prefer to wear a dress for Easter and Christmas. Always makeup and my hair styled neatly. Dressing nice for church makes me feel good, helps me focus on mass, and is a sign of respect for the church and God.

A sign of respect for the church and God. That is what bothers me so much about how I see so many people dress for mass these days.

I know and have heard the argument time and time again that we should only care that the person attends mass. Be  welcoming to all who attend the services. Just be glad they are there.

I AM glad to see so many people attending church services. And I’ve attending plenty of churches in which I felt unwelcome to never put someone else thought that stress.

It makes me happy to see families coming together to mass. I feel like faith and the church are a key thing in keeping families together and in teaching children right from wrong through a moral code that the church teaches.

However, it makes me sad to see so many people not even try to show the church and their fellow parishioner enough respect to dress a little nicer than they would dress to spend a day on the lake or in their garden. I see so many come in torn up and dirty cargo shorts, t-shirts and flip flops. Or perhaps an over sized t-shirt, old jeans and sneakers stained from mowing the lawn. There’s absolutely no attempt made to acknowledge they are at church and not in their own living room in front of the TV. I see most people dress nicer to go to the mall.

It especially frustrates me when it people you will see on any other given day of the week in a suit and a tie for work. I’m not asking them to wear a suit and tie to church. Days in which that was expected have no-so-long-ago passed. I’m not even asking for khaki pants and a polo shirt. I’m asking simple for nice jeans, nice shoes and a maybe a button down. Or, okay, a polo shirt. At least comb your hair! Heck, there was one guy in church that regularly comes in jeans, hiking boots and a nice fitted t-shirt devoid of anything but a stylish design on it. Even that looks nice! It shows he tries to look better for church than for a day out at the lake.

Like I said, I am grateful to see so many people attending church these days. It is truly a wonderful thing. And it goes to show people feel more and more comfortable within the walls of our churches. They feel more welcome.

I just wish that everyone would take a little more seriously and reverently, and at least dress as nice as you would dress to go to a meeting with a VIP. Because really… when it all comes down to it… when you go to church, your going to meet with the ultimate of VIPs.

God.

I joked tonight that I’ve lived in Nashville too long when a movie being filmed outside my place of work annoyed me instead of leaving me excited. I say that about running into singers, actors, etc. as well because on a whole I really have just come to take it in stride. (Though I have to confess, George Strait made me totally freeze up and start stuttering and lose a great opportunity to possibly meet him, but some day maybe the chance will return. Doubtful. But maybe.)

I do think the whole Hollywood thing is pretty exciting. And there is a true mystique and fascination that exists around the whole TV and movie making process. I admit to getting wrapped up in it on occasion myself. Getting to participate in making the new Lee Ann Womack video was pretty incredible.

But twice in my life, Hollywood has made me throw my hands up in the air and want to scream in frustration.

My first Hollywood experience was actually in little ol’ Marlin , Texas, in 2005 when they used the Falls County Courthouse to film a lot of scenes for the movie Infamous whose cast included Sandra Bullock and Sigourney Weaver. I was working at the town’s newspaper at that time, and of course this was the biggest news to hit Marlin in probably almost 20 years. (Well, the biggest bit of positive news.)

They filmed inside the courthouse and outside the courthouse. For exterior scenes, they put out a call for classic cars to line the streets around the courthouse. To be honest, the cars got me more excited than the stars, but then that’s just how I roll.

Dawg.

Whatever.

On the afternoon that they filmed some of the exterior scenes, I went out to try to get a few photos for the next week’s issue. I was careful to stay OUT of the way, but before long I was sniffed out and scolded to not take any photos due to the need to keep things about the movie confidential. I could respect that fact up to a couple points. One point was the fact that Marlin is a small town that I doubt any entertainment reporters would be picking up our paper to sniff for things about the movie. The other point was the one in which they started to impede my ability to do MY job.

It took awhile, but I did finally get them to leave me alone enough to take pictures of the cars all around the square. One gentleman offered to let me sit in his car and watch from afar, which I gladly accepted as at that point I had to crouch down behind all these cars to stay out of view.

Eventually, the movie was done filming. We ran the photo I took of the cars in the paper. And life moved on…

I never did see the movie. It’s in my Amazon.com wishlist in case anyone cares to buy it for me.

Fast forward four years, and I had my second Hollywood experience. This time, Nashville, TN. Printer’s Alley. My job? Working in one of the bars in the Alley. The filming is going on in the bar next to the one at which I work, but it somewhat disrupts things in the whole Alley.

Now, understand, when I heard days ago about a movie being filmed in the Alley, I got excited about how much great PR this could mean for it. Perhaps seeing our Alley in a movie would bring visitors next year?

However, going into the night I was already in a bad mood, but it didn’t take long for the bad mood to sour further. I quickly felt like I couldn’t do my job properly lest I cause some sort of problem between “Quiet! Filming!” barks and worrying about how our band would be able to load in their gear. Ultimately, I wanted to do my job, while they did theirs, but struggled with how to do just that.

Again.

And I have to admit. That frustrated me. I believe my exact phrase was “Pain in the a–, huh?” to my husband as he pulled in to unload his gear to play.

I often get this exact same frustration from tourists who seem to forget that while Nashville is a tourism-centric city, it’s also home to many people. We’re happy to have you here. But please don’t stop us from living our lives; doing our jobs.

Chances are tomorrow night I’ll have my third experience, as apparently filming will be again occurring in the Alley. I don’t know if that will go into the night and overlap with my time there. But, the chance is there. And I can’t say that it excites me.

Call it a pessimistic approach to the experience if you want.

Me? I call it an experienced approach to it.

Because that’s how I roll.

Dawg.

Whatever.

I think most people would describe me as an agreeable person. Optimistic and upbeat a majority of the time. However, I do go through my phases in which a lot of little thing just eat at me. They bug me. Pull at my last nerve. Wear out what patience I have.

Now is one of those times.

Rivals
I graduated from Texas A&M University in 2003 with my BS in Journalism. I am an Aggie, and I have the diploma and ring to prove it. I am proud of my school, and I am a die-hard Aggie football fan. However, I also have a lot of respect for other schools. My only request is that you don’t rub your allegiance to a rival school in my face. I always want to simply ask, “And your point is…?”

This last week, I had a guy pointedly flash a Longhorns signal at me, and my blood immediately boiled. Especially since I was 99.9% certain the guy was what I like to call a T-shirt fan… no real alliance to the school other than being just a fan. He felt the need to act all better-than-you all because I am an Aggie? I wanted to walk over and tell him unless he had a diploma to back up that hand single he better shove it where the sun doesn’t shine. Because I am sick and tired of being so severely disrespected because of my school. Which just so happens to be a REALLY GOOD SCHOOL with a loyalty and family-feeling that can not be compared to any other school.

I can take good natured ribbing from friends. But by a stranger? Its just disrespectful and unwarranted. So unless you have some true point and reason for your need to be obnoxious, can it. Because I will take your arrogance and raise you a hard-earned degree.

Redneck Men
This last week I went out for awhile to Fan Fair, oh wait… CMA Music Fest, on my own to people watch and take in some of the music myself. As I walked down the street to the stages, I had a guy go, “Heyyyyy…” I look at him, and he literally has his hand and arm up his shirt scratching his arm pit, leering.

REALLY???

I mean. Really. Woman walking down the street alone just MUST be in need of the first man who leers her way with his hand up in his sweaty arm pit. Yeah. We’ll all just jump on the first man that looks our way and goes, “Heyyyy….”

This is why you don’t see many women out alone! It’s not rapists and muggers we’re avoiding! It’s dumb rednecks that think this is okay! Newsflash: IT’S NOT!

Twitter Spambots
I’ve admitted my addiction to Twitter in the past. I’m not leaving it any time soon. However, I wish there was some way to put a handle on these Spambot profiles. I had one follow me about ten times over three days time offering a Britney Spears sex video. And for some reason, despite my profile stating I am married, Singles Dating Sites feel the need to follow me and try to offer me help setting up my singles profile.

I like to meet new people on Twitter. But I will not follow and will most likely block anyone who does not take the time to fill in any of their profile information. Throw me a little information here, people.

Comcast
Yes. I’m calling out a company that I’ve been annoyed with as of late.

It started with our cable bill going up steadily over six months time. And  our service wasn’t getting any better! So we called to see about getting it lowered, explaining that we just could not afford what we were paying now!

The young man on the phone promptly reads us this offer for better service (HD Channels, even though we explained we didn’t have an HD TV)… for a little more than we were paying. He wasn’t helping us any with that. THEN he offers us much slower Internet services, the same Internet and phone, for only about $10 less than we were paying now. Again, not helping matters any. FINALLY after going through several offers, he admitted he could set us up with the exact same service we had already for $30 less a month. We took it… not only was that pretty much where we were shooting to be, but we were also tired of his not really listening to us.

Fast forward to the other night when our service was out for hours. I mentioned it on Twitter via cell phone texts several times before I went on to bed. Four hours later, someone from Comcast jumps on Twitter and asks if they can help me. Well by this time my Internet is back, but beyond that… if my internet is down how am I to necessarily be able to respond to your offer to help via Internet!?

Well, that next day, Comcast actually calls to notify us of maintenance over night and that our internet would be down for a period of time. I am so grateful when they do that! Because I like to know when I need to work around an outage. I don’t mind the outage when I know its coming!

So, I post this on Twitter and promptly a Comcast service rep messages, “Can I help?”

I just closed my browser and walked away. Really Comcast? I am saying that I have service now, but won’t have it later in the evening… and you ask if you can help? One of these days I’m just going to Twitter the word “Comcast” and see how many “Can I help?”s I get.

Honestly, I do think the service reps via Twitter are a good idea. I’m just annoyed that they don’t seem to really grasp whatever their customer is Twittering about prior to responding. Read before you respond, guys. Please.

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EDIT TO ADD (4:00 pm) :: Note in the comments of this entry a response my a Comcast representative. Kudos to them for that… I’m very impressed! A ranty little entry from a woman in a bad mood as of late and they took the time to respond. Thanks guys!!!