High school rock stars

There’s a Cross Canadian Ragweed song that says, “You’re always 17 in your hometown.” And in a lot of ways, its true. I don’t know what it is about rolling into your hometown that slips you back into that mode. You remember your high school glories. Suddenly I find myself walking with that old swagger. I look around and, while many things have changed, I find a deep comfort in how much is still the same.

I’m in my hometown right now, working at the family business. The other day, I had to make a trip over to the pharmacy. I forgot to pack allergy pills and had to go grab myself a bottle to get through the change in climate and geography.

As I went to leave, I noticed a couple cars in the parking lot. Probably 7 or 8 high school aged kids were hanging out. I had my windows up so I couldn’t hear if they were jamming out to tunes or anything.  But I recognized that swagger in their step. I recognized the attitude in how they  leaned against the cars. This town is THEIR town right now. They are the keepers of the school’s spirit.

It made me smile. It made me actually shake my head to realize none of them were even in school when I was in their shoes. It didn’t make me feel old, as I thought it would. It just made me realize that time moves on, and they are where they are to be and I am where I am meant to be. I wouldn’t trade places with them for all the money in the world.

I may be in my  hometown… but I am most definitely not 17. And I am totally happy in that fact.

We finally had our first winter snow here in Nashville. Not much at my house:

But, its still pretty. Downtown was snowing pretty good when my husband and I went out last night. I’ve definitely lived here long enough that I’m not phased by it any more. A couple years ago, you wouldn’t get me out of the house if there was even a CHANCE of snow. Now? Eh. Now I watch the weather and gauge my freak-out need accordingly. This? This was not even a 1 on my freak-out scale.

It was nice to finally see some snow, though. Last year we had an exceptional amount of snow, and I don’t want THAT again. But, the snow is pretty and I was hoping I’d get to see some this winter. Now I have and it finally feels like winter to me. So that’s a yay.

Happy Friday the 13th, everyone! Oh I know, its superstitious as being a day of bad luck. I’ve not really ever noticed anything exceptional about past Friday the 13ths. So, I just say, “Hey, cool, its Friday. Let the weekend begin!”

I did learn something already today, though. “friggatriskaidekaphobia – A morbid, irrational fear of Friday the 13th.” (From Skeptic’s Dictionary) That’s a really big word and should mean, “Fear of getting that word in a spelling bee.” But maybe that’s just me.

Anyway, don’t let the date freak you out. Enjoy the day! Happy Snow Day to any teachers and students who may be reading, ready to enjoy a 4 day weekend. Go back to bed and make the most of it! Maybe you can sleep… here’s hoping I can, too!

Eventually, however, that ceased to happen. And since then, I have given each year end a little bit of a cursory nod, but never the kind of attention I once gave. I’d like to say that this year will be different, that I’ll go month-by-month again. But, I can’t say that, because I, frankly, just don’t have time to go that in depth. I do, however, want to give this year some closure.

My  mom sent me an email with a newsletter giving ways to bring closure to the year. In it, Mike Robbins writes about how we need to give one year closure before we jump into the next one with all these hopes for where it will lead.

Last year at this time, we were in the process of moving. I was forced to find closure on the previous three years of living in the house we were in, and I embraced 2011 with hope and optimism as change was going on all around me. My address changed, and so did many ways I viewed various things. This year, though, I feel like I’m just rolling into 2012 without much fanfare. Its just another year. January 1st, just another day. I don’t really have optimism, but I don’t feel dread either. I’m a bit ambivalent to the whole thing.

So perhaps I am one who has a bigger need to find closure to 2011 than I would normally be as a year comes to a close. I thought I’d tackle the four questions found in Robbins’ newsletter.

1) What were my biggest lessons in 2011?

Absolutely the strong difference between want and need was my biggest lesson. This past year was a rebuilding one, financially, for my husband and myself. With that, I also learned the deep satisfaction that comes with paying for items with cash. I learned how to NOT live on credit and instead was reminded what it meant to put your money in a jar (or in my case, a big envelope) until you’d saved up enough money to purchase that great big WANT.

I learned my love for photography really can be more than just a hobby. I found a deep interest in the creative process of bringing music to life, and I discovered a potential market for documenting that process. I caught myself critiquing other’s photos with a better eye than just, “Oh that’s pretty!” and I soak in how other’s approach photography — both in what to do and what NOT to do.

On the writing side, I finally learned and held my first giveaways. I learned about how social networking in person can help you in the online world. I discovered even more strongly the kindred spirits I have in other bloggers.

Medically, I have learned an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. If I will stay on a strict regimen for my sinuses, I won’t be so crippled by infections. You’d think I’d have known that already, but I REALLY learned it this year.

2) What am I most proud of from this past year?

See question 1. I am most proud of the fact that my husband and I ended the year without accruing any new debts. (Outside of an ER bill.)

I am proud that I have embraced myself as a writer and a photographer, not just as “trying to get into it.” I am proud that I’ve kept this blog going and its continuing to pick up traffic and grow consistently. I am super proud of the work I did on Rick’s CD, leading me even deeper down the photography path.

Finally, I am proud of becoming a biggest piece of our work-puzzle. Working more consistently has given me a nice feeling of satisfaction. I’ve met so many interesting people, many of which I’d have never met had I not been behind the bar this year.

3) What were my biggest disappointments in 2011?

I set the bar high for myself. I may not admit that out loud to anyone, but deep down I always set it high. While my blog does continue to grow, its growing slower than I’d like for it to grow. I am disappointed that I haven’t gone to any blogger conferences, nor attended any photo walks. I once again failed to complete NaNoWriMo.

I fully thought I’d be further in making photography profitable for myself, but I have to acknowledge there is still a lot more expense I need to go into first to really get that off the ground. Baby steps… even if I don’t want them to be.

On a personal note, I do wish we were closer to being able to purchase our own house, or maybe be back to two vehicles. And I had hoped we’d be more solidly ready to take steps towards starting a family.

4) What am I ready to let go of from this past year?

My disappointments for the year. They are heavily outweighed by the lessons and successes of the year. When many people look back on 2011, they call it a bust. When I look back on it, I call it a success. Maybe I didn’t grow to the levels I had hoped I would, but I sure didn’t backslide for a change!

But perhaps that is where I don’t feel this big surge into the new year. I didn’t necessarily grow “big time” this past year, but I didn’t backslide. I didn’t stagnate, but I think I easily could do that right now. Just go with the status quo as it stands now, content with where I am for awhile. But I don’t WANT to do that. I want to keep striving forward. I want to keep pushing. I want to build a positive momentum from here on out. And maybe… maybe I am afraid I won’t do that?  Hmm…

5) What else do I need to do or say to be totally complete with 2011?

This might sound bizarre to some people, but I need to clean out my closet. I need to clear out old things physically to be ready to clear them out mentally and emotionally. I may have to actively do this on the 1st since I won’t have time today to do it. But, I need to do something like that…I need to physically let go of things. I need to clean. I need to rearrange a room. Something like that.

⚝

Happy New Year, everyone. See you all in 2012…

Last month, it was busy downtown. I picked up a lot of nights in the bar — something that paid off really well, and I am SO grateful for that fact. It’s left me on a total vampire schedule (I just can’t flip flop like most people!), but its also left me feeling very satisfied with the feeling of hard work done well.

Now, though, my workload is completely different. I have a lot of stuff I need to handle for my parent’s business — research in products and stuff. I have a CD cover to design, like, yesterday. I have a friend looking to start a blog and wants me to help him with the design of it. I am trying to do NaNoWriMo. And I’m just looking to enjoy my birthday month and Thanksgiving!

BUSY! That is me.

And I plan to love every moment of it.

Somewhere between 8 am and 5:30 pm.

They officially have only 30 more minutes to come get it before I get REALLY annoyed.

First off, I’m a night owl. Both in job and in nature. So saying you could come pick up this package at 8 am is about like someone saying they’ll come by to get it at 2 am for most people. But since I’m the odd one here, I usually sleep on the couch if I have a delivery (or in this case, a pick up) coming. That way I won’t miss the knock on the door.

However, this is the first time I’ve had anyone give themselves a nine and a half hour window to do something. So I slept on the couch, and when my husband got called out last minute to move the bus around, I couldn’t go with him. All the errands I planned to run today didn’t happen. This is worse than waiting for a cable guy!

Why do you need a nine and a half hour window in the first place? Can’t you either, at least, say morning or afternoon? SOMETHING?

Frustrating.

Very frustrating.

Yesterday ended up being a yard day for me and my husband. The last time we’d mowed, it was 95 degrees with a heat index of around 98. Needless to say, we did good to get the front yard mowed. The whole back part of our yard was left tall. We were just too tired to try to do all of it. To add insult to heat stroke, my weed eater died. Just… died. Mid-edging of the sidewalk.

We were treated yesterday to a high of only about 92 with practically no heat index. So we started our day with a trip to the store for a new weed eater. (This of course after we discovered the warranty on our last one that we bought LAST YEAR went out a month before. Guess I should have popped for the extra year of warranty after all.) After talking with a store associate, we chose a new (way better!) trimmer with a three year warranty and I bought the two years extended warranty past that. None of this new weed eater in a year crap again!

After putting my new toy together for me (because for some reason I totally get a kick out of edging) my husband started mowing and I started trimming. It was hot, but we worked at a much more steady pace than the last time. Near the end of our project, my husband and I traded jobs so he could try out the new weed eater. We both agreed it was way better than the last one, and it didn’t wear you our nearly as bad. (The old one would leave my arms shaking for hours afterwards. Ever try to put eyeliner on with a hand that can’t stay still?? This one, however, didn’t phase me.)  I successfully stalled out the mower a few times on the super thick grass in the back where we didn’t mow last time. But still… the job got done.

It felt good to get up this morning, look outside, and admire our well manicured lawn. We haven’t looked this good since we moved in, I don’t think!!

Oh I have several bug bites from our task. One on my left wrist. Another on the back of my right hand. Which is making typing interesting, since all I want to do is scratch! But, hey, no good task really ever ends without some sort of injury, right?

I enjoy yard work. I don’t do it as often as I should. My flower beds are usually very pathetic. And how my flowers on the porch are still alive is beyond my comprehension. However, when I do get out to mow or weed or just enjoy my porch swing (which is when the flowers usually get watered), I enjoy it so much. Its satisfying. You can step back and see your hard work’s product and success. It gives you time to think and reflect. For me and my husband, it reflects good team work. It makes us sit back and go, “Go us!”

I’m having one today.

I mean, not even a way-too-close-near-fender-bender could rile me up today! Not even noticing my yard is the worst yard in the neighborhood and needs to be mowed desperately could get me down. Heck, not even the express lane being farrrr from express at Kroger could upset me.

I just have a perma-smile going on, and I’m loving it!

This little part of me wants to go, “Uh oh. What’s going to go wrong around the corner? This can’t last…” but I keep squashing that down hard. Like a really ugly, awful, poisonous bug. Because I want to enjoy this.

Today is a day when I feel with deep certainty I am on the path I am meant to be on in life. There have just been the tiniest of signs all day that make me go, “Yup. This is right.” And as a result, there is this spring in my step and a smile that won’t stop. I feel carefree giggles want to bubble up from my gut of just joy of life.

As a result, I find people responding positively to me. I went to the liquor store for a bottle of wine for myself. As I left I smiled and told the owner (who was sitting at a table offering out samples since you can do that now in Tennessee), “Thanks! Have a great day!” and he stared at me in shock for a moment. Then responded with a smile and equally happy, “You too!!” The teller at the bank was warm and bubbly back to me with a, “Have a great weekend!” And at Target, I chatted up a particularly sullen looking cashier until she smiled back before I left.

A friend has in her Twitter profile, “When you love life, life loves you back.” And today that was reflected back to me ten fold, everywhere I went.

Oh sure… that little voice keeps going, “Day is not over yet…” as the little Devil that lives on my shoulder tries to bring me down. Tries to turn me from my positive outlook. Instead, I’m looking at it with a bright smile and responding back, “Shut up.” I’m riding this ride of positive things…

Wishing everyone a great weekend!!! Remember to smile… you never know whose day you might brighten with it.

I’ve actually spent most of the last year looking towards this month. My cousin is getting married in a couple weeks, and I’m her MOH. So even though I’ve not been terribly active in the planning, much of what I’ve done — or not done — has been in anticipation of this month.

I’ve spent just enough energy focusing on this month that it almost feels like, “About dang time!” While in the same breath its, “So much still to do! Ah!”

I don’t head to Texas for just shy of two more weeks, but I’m so in the mode already it could just as well be tomorrow.

Except I’ve not packed.

And there’s no flight waiting for me at BNA.

I’m hoping that sometime this month I’ll take some time to do summer things… like go out on the lake. Catch a baseball game. Barbecue out back with friends.

My bikini is on my dresser and I’ve lost just shy of 10 lbs. I need some lake time!! Summer fun has not yet begun and its not far from being over!

Ultimately, time flies and even as I strive to stop and enjoy the moment, there is more I want to do before we are welcoming in August. So here is my goal for July: enjoy beautiful weddings and have a little fun in the sun!

I felt lethargic. The previous day’s lawn work and heat left me aching all over. All I really wanted to do was lay on the couch with a cup of coffee. Beautiful sunshine, however, beckoned me outside. I finally consented, grabbing a book and my coffee. I stepped outside, braced for heat and humidity. Instead, a light breeze ruffled my hair. It was warm, but not too hot. I found myself wanting to do cartwheels in the yard or make chalk drawings on the driveway.

Instead, I plopped myself down in my porch swing. I put my feet up, and I proceeded read four chapters of my book, breaking only to refill my coffee mug.

I found myself wondering why I don’t do it more often. I listened to a neighbor mow their lawn. I watched cars go up and down the street. My American flag fluttered in the breeze, making the pole creak gently against the house.

My life won’t always afford me the time and opportunity to take moments to slow down and enjoy the moment I am in… I need to take the opportunities I have now and embrace them. Memorize them. Save them in my soul for when times get crazy and stressful.

The next chance you have to enjoy your world. Take it. Put down the phone. Close the laptop. Just BE. It’s amazing.

I’ve been taking naps. And it is AWESOME.

Last week, I finally went and got strong antibiotics for a sinus infection I’d been fighting for a month, and therein lies where it all started. Just prior to getting the medicine, I would literally sleep a day away. A huge tip off that something was wrong, because… frankly… I am just not a napper. If anything I will force myself to live on a lot less sleep than I should.

I got my medicine and the instructions were to take it twice a day for 7 days, and due to the timing of when I took my first dose, I was set up to have to get up about three hours earlier than I would normally get up just to take medicine. So, I’ve been getting up earlier, having breakfast, taking my medicine and… I’m awake. No matter how fast I tried to do it before I woke up all the way, it couldn’t be helped. By the time I got it all done, I’d had enough sunlight, etc. to get my body in go-mode.

So the last few days, I’ve just stayed up and checked my email, etc. as I would normally do when I get up for the day. Putter around the house for awhile, then sleepiness would sneak back up. With the recent little heatwave, its worked out nicely. I go crawl back into bed and take a nap through some of the hottest part of the day, and then I get up just as its getting close to time to be able to go outside and get some exercise. It’s a total win!

Now, I don’t anticipate this being a steady thing. I mean, I do have to run some errands in the next few days right when I’ve been taking my little power naps, so its not like this is my new regular schedule. BUT I suddenly see the benefits of napping. I used to say if I took a nap my whole day would be wasted.

Just the opposite. I end up feeling like a million bucks after a naps! And I end up more focused and relaxed about the day. And as a result, I get more done in an hour than I would have done had I stayed up and tried to do it over the course of a few hours.

Naps are a good thing. Babies have it figured out. Cats have it figured out! I’m going to follow their lead a lot more and get more Zzz’s when I need them.