Musician's Widow

I started a personal journal in 2001 over at the LiveJournal site (I even purchased a permanent account.), and in the pages of that journal, my college years were documented. My meeting my husband, and the progression of our relationship lies on those pages.

I still occasionally post in my journal over there. It’s a private space to put my thoughts without fear of being “misunderstood.” However, most days it simply becomes a place to house my twitter posts, and I put my writing energy (and time!) into this blog instead.

That said, the other day I found myself chewing on the difference between what I did with my journal versus what I do with this blog. (Ironically, moments later my husband asked me the difference himself! One of those, “Get out of my head!” moments we have regularly.) The two venues are completely different for me, even as the idea is the same: putting my thoughts “on paper.”

journal – (1:) an account of day-to-day events (2:) a record of experiences, ideas, or reflections kept regularly for private use

blog – a Web site that contains an online personal journal with reflections, comments, and often hyperlinks provided by the writer

The definitions for journal and blog really don’t go deep enough, for me, to understand the difference, because, for me, they are distinctly different.

Journaling
For me, journaling is a distinctly private thing to do. My journal over at LiveJournal gave me a relatively private venue to post recaps of my days or a place to vent. LiveJournal allows me to select people to see entries if I wanted feedback, or it allows me to keep entries completely private. Entries are more and more private versus “friends-only” these days.

For me, personally, journal = diary. It’s just that journal sounds a little more “grown up.”

My journal over at LiveJournal started out a public forum. Somehow I had these crazy designs that people would be extremely interested in my mundane day-to-day life. yeah, not so much. I did meet the woman who was my maid-of-honor  in my wedding at LiveJournal doing  this, though! However, when I think of that journal, I also think of the ways it hurt me and others through its public forum back then. Lesson learned: some things are just better left PRIVATE.

In the last few years, though, my journaling has gotten to be less and less. Mostly, I’ve put most of my writing energy elsewhere (ie here), and I’ve not felt the NEED to journal as much. I blame that partly on Twitter, since my journal was so often just a recap of my day. Now I do that throughout the day in quick 140-character updates.

The need for my journal remains, though, deep down. Some days, I need to get something off my chest, and the only place I can do it is in the privacy of my journal. It has its place. It will always have its place. But its totally different from blogging.

Blogging
It’s still personal thoughts, personal opinions. Some bloggers simply recap their days, much like I used to do in my journal. Others use it as a social commentary.  Others straddle the line between those two. I suppose you could say I fall in that last group.

When I worked at a newspaper, I had a weekly column. It was the highlight and the stress of my week. I loved the free form nature of my column. It allowed me to stretch my legs, writing-wise.

My column was equal parts thoughts about my personal life, and thoughts on news events — both local and national. That’s where my stress came from: choosing a topic that I felt comfortable writing about for my audience to read.

Today, I don’t stress about topics as much, but my blog is without a doubt the same idea as my column. I straddle that line, writing about whatever happens to be on my mind at the time. Be it personal events, social commentary, news events or just something I think people might like to know. Hence the tagline, “the wife of a touring musicians tells it like she sees it.”

What I love about blogging is that it truly is from a unique standpoint. We all come from different walks of life. We all have a different place in society. However, there are certain events or experiences that encompass us all. We just all view it from our unique perspective. Its that perspective that I think a blog centers its existence. Taking that perspective and putting it down on paper. It’s equal part editorial and news. Fact mingled with opinion, out there for a public audience to read, learn from and debate.

So when someone asks me if my blog is my diary, I can definitely say it is not. Yes, it chronicles my thoughts at a given time, but its not my private thoughts and rants. Its written specifically with a public audience in mind.

Journal vs. blog. Private vs. public.

Its truly, for me, that simple.

I’m going to say something uncharacteristically pessimistic. I always prepare for the worst.

Now for something optimistic. I always hope for the best.

Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. My mom told me that years ago, and its always stuck with me. It’s become a life habit I don’t even think about doing. I just do it naturally.

One of my biggest lessons in doing that was when I didn’t get flag corp when I tried out my Freshman year. I couldn’t fathom not making the squad. My life would be OVER. I never considered the worst seriously. I never had a healthy approach to this ordeal.

I didn’t make it. My life was not over. I was, however, numb and devastated a few days. I justified it 1000 ways, but at the end of the day. I’d just failed to acknowledge the worst case scenario, and as a result I melted down.

I’m sure there are countless other times that I failed to even acknowledge the “worst case scenario” and as a result I was unprepared when it came to pass. But that example is probably the biggest one that always comes to my mind.

Hope for the best. Believe in the best.

Mindset is half the battle in all things. If you think you can, you will. I believe this to be true. However, if you put so much weight onto something HAVING to turn out a certain way, I think you put yourself right into the position of it not happening. Similarly, if you go in assuming a certain result, you’ll undoubtedly be disappointed when it doesn’t go exactly like you expect.

Today, my dad prepared our tax return. I went in bracing for the worst: owing. I know too many people who DO owe this year, and I knew much of our combined income had not had taxes taken out of it. And even though I work with tax returns right now on a daily basis, there is still so much of tax laws I don’t understand. One being what deductions are allowed and how they are applied. (This is why I make the returns look pretty as opposed to actually preparing them.) I was truly prepared to owe.

When we came out with a refund, I almost cried with joy and relief. Literally. I had hoped for the best, but I was fully prepared for the worst. And as a result, the outcome was better than I expected. Even if my refund was only $1, it would have been better than I was prepared to see. I was tickled.

I hope for the best in all things. Always. But I also brace myself for the worst. It allows me to have some sort of game plan and calmness in the situation that the worst does happen. In the same breath, it usually makes anything that happens a very pleasant result.

I plan to keep this mindset for a long time to come. It’s served me well so far. I am certain it will serve me well in the future.

I joked tonight that I’ve lived in Nashville too long when a movie being filmed outside my place of work annoyed me instead of leaving me excited. I say that about running into singers, actors, etc. as well because on a whole I really have just come to take it in stride. (Though I have to confess, George Strait made me totally freeze up and start stuttering and lose a great opportunity to possibly meet him, but some day maybe the chance will return. Doubtful. But maybe.)

I do think the whole Hollywood thing is pretty exciting. And there is a true mystique and fascination that exists around the whole TV and movie making process. I admit to getting wrapped up in it on occasion myself. Getting to participate in making the new Lee Ann Womack video was pretty incredible.

But twice in my life, Hollywood has made me throw my hands up in the air and want to scream in frustration.

My first Hollywood experience was actually in little ol’ Marlin , Texas, in 2005 when they used the Falls County Courthouse to film a lot of scenes for the movie Infamous whose cast included Sandra Bullock and Sigourney Weaver. I was working at the town’s newspaper at that time, and of course this was the biggest news to hit Marlin in probably almost 20 years. (Well, the biggest bit of positive news.)

They filmed inside the courthouse and outside the courthouse. For exterior scenes, they put out a call for classic cars to line the streets around the courthouse. To be honest, the cars got me more excited than the stars, but then that’s just how I roll.

Dawg.

Whatever.

On the afternoon that they filmed some of the exterior scenes, I went out to try to get a few photos for the next week’s issue. I was careful to stay OUT of the way, but before long I was sniffed out and scolded to not take any photos due to the need to keep things about the movie confidential. I could respect that fact up to a couple points. One point was the fact that Marlin is a small town that I doubt any entertainment reporters would be picking up our paper to sniff for things about the movie. The other point was the one in which they started to impede my ability to do MY job.

It took awhile, but I did finally get them to leave me alone enough to take pictures of the cars all around the square. One gentleman offered to let me sit in his car and watch from afar, which I gladly accepted as at that point I had to crouch down behind all these cars to stay out of view.

Eventually, the movie was done filming. We ran the photo I took of the cars in the paper. And life moved on…

I never did see the movie. It’s in my Amazon.com wishlist in case anyone cares to buy it for me.

Fast forward four years, and I had my second Hollywood experience. This time, Nashville, TN. Printer’s Alley. My job? Working in one of the bars in the Alley. The filming is going on in the bar next to the one at which I work, but it somewhat disrupts things in the whole Alley.

Now, understand, when I heard days ago about a movie being filmed in the Alley, I got excited about how much great PR this could mean for it. Perhaps seeing our Alley in a movie would bring visitors next year?

However, going into the night I was already in a bad mood, but it didn’t take long for the bad mood to sour further. I quickly felt like I couldn’t do my job properly lest I cause some sort of problem between “Quiet! Filming!” barks and worrying about how our band would be able to load in their gear. Ultimately, I wanted to do my job, while they did theirs, but struggled with how to do just that.

Again.

And I have to admit. That frustrated me. I believe my exact phrase was “Pain in the a–, huh?” to my husband as he pulled in to unload his gear to play.

I often get this exact same frustration from tourists who seem to forget that while Nashville is a tourism-centric city, it’s also home to many people. We’re happy to have you here. But please don’t stop us from living our lives; doing our jobs.

Chances are tomorrow night I’ll have my third experience, as apparently filming will be again occurring in the Alley. I don’t know if that will go into the night and overlap with my time there. But, the chance is there. And I can’t say that it excites me.

Call it a pessimistic approach to the experience if you want.

Me? I call it an experienced approach to it.

Because that’s how I roll.

Dawg.

Whatever.

I have a fairly staunch rule I set into place years ago.

I don’t let random men buy me drinks in bars. I know, many just gasped in horror, but its my rule and its served me well for many years and avoided many misunderstandings.

The other night, I was at a bar in downtown Nashville, visiting with friends and watching my husband play, when a guy decided to buy me and another friend of mine a drink. Under the impression (based on the conversation, etc.) that he knew my friend, I broke my rule and went along with it in the spirit of socializing with my friends.

I felt the need to walk away, though, when he would not take me seriously when I stated that my dream in life is to be a writer and that that is indeed what I have chosen as my career. Writing apparently was not a good enough for him and he kept pestering me for a different answer, and it was on that note that I walked away. I simply walked away and visited elsewhere until he left.

It was after this that I learned that he had been making a pill of himself with ALL the ladies in the bar and he was not, in fact, an acquaintance of my friend as I had believed. If he felt himself a “player,” he’d failed miserably.

Strike one: being a pill to all. Strike two: misrepresentation. Strike three: not taking me seriously.

It is cases like this that interactions both socially and professionally can be quite the minefield. You never know when someone is going to be legitimate. And it is within this uncertainty that I made my own three strikes in my discussion with this person.

1 – They make the first move, but reveal nothing about themselves.
In my interaction with this guy, I realized he told me nothing about himself, and I told him random facts about me. I was cagey, yes, but he learned I am married, work part-time at the bar, went to Texas A&M and that my passion is writing. None of this is exactly a secret, but its still more than I learned about him. I never asked, I admit. I didn’t want to know, and I hoped my disinterest in him would make it clear he needed to leave me alone. When it didn’t, I chose to walk away. But it is within this that I realized that I knew nothing about this guy. Nothing except that I didn’t trust him…

2 – Making an assumption.
No one told me this guy was an acquaintance of my friend. I drew that conclusion based on the fact that he was talking with my friend in close proximity, bought her a drink as well, and that they knew where one another was originally from. With those facts in hand, I made an assumption.

As my Dad reminds me regularly. Never assume. It makes an ass out of you and me. Call this a lesson proven true.

3 – Breaking my own rules.
When you have those personal rules, you stick with them. Go with your gut. Even if its not the most “cool” thing to do. Your instincts are there for a reason. Listen to them. I didn’t and I broke my rule of “no strange guy buying me a drink.” My very own strike three.

This whole thing is in the past and thus not worth my time to think about… however, its also a lesson to myself that I learned and will heed in the future.

It’s been all over the news the last few months. Twitter. That social networking site that asks, “What are you doing?” And like every “new big thing” it has its fans, it has its haters, and it has its lukewarm participants.

I, personally, land in that first group. Twitter has become my new one-stop-shop online. It lets me get the news, check in on friends, share pictures, have a laugh, etc.

However, it does have its “haters.” I can understand this group. Twitter does come across as one huge narcissistic tool for users. Who really cares what you made for dinner, what color your underwear is, and/or if your cat just hacked up a hairball? Beyond on that, is it really safe to tell the world where you are at any given time?

Posting your location at any given moment, gives an unheeded vulnerability to your life and your safety. This is a stalker’s DREAM, and even a house burglar’s. I admit myself of being guilty of exposing myself with too many details on my location at a given moment. Its all too easy to do, and you get caught up in the moment, never thinking about the potential consequences.

Some question if Twitter is the death of the true blogging or journaling. In this world of faster is better, are we sacrificing well thought-out writings to made a point quickly in 140-characters? Possibly! I admit that that is very possible.

However, despite the misgivings of Twitter, I am a solid fan of the site and the “product” it provides its users. I can receive the latest news in world news, local news, entertainment and financial. They are delivered to me, by my choice, to my Twitter page, or whatever program I’m using (TweetDeck or Twhirl are my favorites). I can access it by cell phone, update it via text message, and even choose “Twitter feeds” that I have delivered to my phone via text message! (A favorite is Nashville Traffic updates.)

Herein lies my strongest vote for Twitter. The instant news updates.

Last week, middle Tennessee became the target of an EF-4 tornado. A tornado that came within about 10 miles of my house. My absolute best updates on the storms came from Twitter. People who live near me were posting updates. The local news media posted updates. All of these were available at the tips of my fingers with the simple click of “Refresh.” Within hours, I knew people were safe. My home was safe. And I “met” people online who knew those who weren’t as lucky as I was.

In those stressful hours, I came to realize what an invaluable tool Twitter can be. It could be considered our modern day Ham Radio and/or telegraph.

Twitter is serious in serious times. When times are good, its a fun discussion among like-minded people (some have come to call their followers their “Tweeples”) that, yes, consists of what they had for supper, what they think about the latest infomercial or the fact that their cat hacked up a hairball. Witty banter, mundane day events, and hard news exist side-by-side in the Twitter universe.

As with any social networking site, post your thoughts carefully. Choose your follows even more carefully. Make friends… make enemies. Spread the news. Learn the news. Realize that jobs can be made and lost based on your Twitter posts. Realize its the Internet, and much like life… once you say it, you can’t take it back.