Musician's Widow

If you don’t know that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month you’ve either just not been paying attention or you’ve just not been paying attention. Everywhere I look these days, I see pink as, thankfully, these days Breast Cancer Awareness is at the forefront of our media.

Here in Nashville, last night the Grand Ole Opry even went pink. As I watched the news, they showed the video screen on the Opry stage as it listed survivors and those that had sadly lost their lives to breast cancer. I recognized one name.

Earlier this year, a friend — a fellow “musician’s widow” — was diagnosed with breast cancer, and she has been undergoing treatments for it.

I can’t begin to say how much I’ve admired her as she has gone through every hurdle placed in her path. She has only one more round of chemotherapy to go, thankfully. She’s been through a lot, but through it all she’s had a smile on her face, a loving husband by her side, and a million friends standing by to help her (and a million more silent admirers). She is without a doubt one of the strongest women I am blessed to know.

No one should ever have to go through all she’s been through, but, sadly, according to the American Cancer Society, over 190,000 new cases of invasive breast cancer are expected to be diagnosed in 2009. That number is far too high.

I still remember when I was in high school, I was among a group of four or five girls sitting in a circle waiting for the bell to ring to change classes. Somehow the topic of breast cancer and self examination came up, and one of the girls went, “You know… statistically, one of us sitting here will get breast cancer.”

She has no idea how that statement impacted me in that moment. It really rocked me back on my heels. It was the first time I really gave breast cancer much thought.

Fast forward about five or six years to when I worked at a newspaper in Texas. I covered the town’s Relay for Life and I quickly got caught up in the excitement and passion behind the event.

“It was like a punch in the stomach. It takes your breath away,” Karen Meyer said as she spoke about her battle with cancer to a small group of men and woman who met to plan the upcoming ‘Relay for Life’, an overnight event designed to celebrate survivorship and raise money for research and programs of American Cancer Society.   (Excerpt from another article about the event.)

My hat’s off to the men and women of the American Cancer Society who do so much for those diagnosed with all forms of cancer, and for their families.

Today, I’m finding there is more and more appreciation, respect and attention given to breast cancer and those diagnosed with it. Tonight, when a friend, Sarcastic Mom, Twittered about Boobie-Thon, I had to investigate (and ultimately participate.)

Much like Sarcastic Mom’s Bewb Fest, I discovered a respectful celebration of “boobies” in general. Let’s face it, part of the hurt and pain of breast cancer is the removal of a woman’s breasts. We might not admit it in general, but many women get a lot of confidence and pride from their breasts. I’ll say it right here and now (just this once — haha) that I know I do!

From the Boobie-Thon site, though, I found myself linked to countless wonderful sites focusing on breast cancer awareness. Independent sites focused on bringing breast cancer to the forefront in an almost paradoxical manner of celebration. Let’s celebrate women and the breasts, but lets also be aware of how many women fight breast cancer. Money raised towards research helps to eventually eradicate it, and the lessons towards detecting it early helps to lower the mortality rate.

To end this blog, I will leave you with some of those links I found. Remember, ladies, to love your boobies. Check yourself regularly. Get yearly mammograms. Give love and support to those dealing with the challenge of breast cancer, both the women and their families… help them all get through the challenge and remember that they are FABULOUS and AMAZING.

We ALL are.

• I went to a party tonight, held at the house of someone in the music industry. It was REALLY nice to be surrounded by people who didn’t look at me weird when they asked where my husband was, and I responded, “Switzerland!” I mean, surprise, yes. Weird, no.

• At said party, I met people that I probably should have met a long time ago due to mutual friends in common. I am constantly struck by how incredibly small the music community really is. It’s exactly what makes Nashville feel like a small town.
• Ok, I can’t begin to say how giddy I am that my husband will be home soon. I absolutely can’t wait!

I’ve spent a lot of time with some “newbie” “musician’s widows” as of late. It is indeed tour season, and many of “our men” are out on the road livin’ the dream. They talk about the time apart and how hard it is. I end up just nodding along… been there, done that. I will do it again. Preaching to the choir here. Preaching to the choir.

As I always tell them to remember… it’s always that first day or two that are the hardest. ESPECIALLY when its an extra long run, as they tend to be in the summer. You feel the void more than ever. Good-byes always are hard. But you do eventually get into a routine of your own, and time passes relatively quickly. It especially helps when you have friends you can see in the time he is gone.

I’m not really leaving that life these days so much. I’m getting used to having my husband at home! I’m downright spoiled, in fact, by having him here.

However, he also has his CDL and he co-drives whenever he’s out on the road. This weekend, he is helping a friend out by co-driving for Montel Williams (of all people!). It’s a short run for him, but it gave me a taste of “the life” again for a few days. I have so much work to do these days that this time has passed quickly, and he’ll be home tomorrow evening.

We’re embarking on a new endeavor that could prove to change our lives dramatically. It already is in a way, and we’re welcoming the challenge with excitement. I will possibly be posting about it more at a later date, but until that time… we just keep on keepin’ on.

Last night, I was lucky enough to get to attend a concert as a guest of one of the headliner’s band members. A group of us ladies got together and we all drove out to see the concert, and then we had All Access passes to visit our friends in the band after the show.

It felt equally weird and natural to me to do this.

The biggest thing that felt weird: my husband wasn’t there. I kept feeling like he SHOULD be there. For one thing, these guys we went to see are actually more his friends than mine. I know a few of them probably only know me as being his wife, and I am so okay with that! But for another, he’s a touring musician and he should be touring right now! And the fact that he’s not right now… my being at a show, backstage, without him there just made me feel a little sad. Because he thrives on the music, the travel, the energy of the fans, etc., and it feels like its been taken away from him for the time being. And that just makes me sad.

But, in the same breath of all of that, it feels weirder to go to shows and NOT be backstage these days. So in a lot of ways I felt completely at home. I go and end up taking notes more on what guys are playing, how the lighting is set, what the stage layout and set look like, listening to the mix, and then just watching the fans have fun. I think I almost blew my husband’s phone up sending him text messages all night!!

I know, now, how things go when putting on a concert. I understand things that I used to take for granted. Things that amaze some are just “the way it is” to me. And I like that it is that way! Concerts are still a ton of fun to attend! They always will be! I’m just saying that I see a lot of things I used to not see, and it feels less like a “special occasion” and more like just the way my life is.

Among all of it all, I got the pleasure of watching a band member and his wife interact after the show. I fear they felt I was staring! But, I’m very much someone who likes to watch people, and take in things like body language and the way people interact with each other. It’s interesting to me, and I’ve learned you can learn a lot if you just sit quiet, listen and observe.

Last night, as I watched the couple, I wondered often if others view me and my husband the same way. As a couple very much in love, and who know its a crazy life but embrace it with as much (if not more!) vigor as someone who has a regular 9-5 job. I wonder if I appear as at home and close with my husband’s band mates as this other “musician’s widow” is in her camp. I took notes on how she approached things, as she’s been in this life for much longer than I have been. I felt I could perhaps learn something through my observations.

In the end, I had a lovely time out with the girls. I saw a wonderful (intense!) show, and I got to get a taste of another camp that is out there pounding the pavement along with the many other acts touring the country today. It was fun! And I can’t wait to do it again… just next time: I want to be going to see own husband. ;)

A few nights ago, my husband played in an “All-Star Jam” and I went to watch him play as well as to network and socialize. I had such a great time floating from group to group, but two women that were with two of the other pickers were the people I spent the most time with during the evening.

One of the women, J.D., and I got a chance to talk for awhile as our husbands tore down. The music had stopped so we no longer had to yell at each other to be heard. Before long, we were exchanging “war stories” about our husbands on the road. We were immediate kindred spirits with similar philosophies on it.

Our big thing with our husbands is that, if you say you’ll call then call. It’s hard not to worry about him out on the road. If something happened, it would take a long time for it to get back to us, and even longer to get there to him. We need that reassurance from them that they are okay. And in the same vein, we need them to know WE are okay.

We then got on the subject out of “sleep schedules.” It was comforting to find someone else who says the words, “Don’t call before noon; I won’t be up.” With the guy’s working downtown late at night, or their not being able to call until the early morning hours after a show elsewhere — its not worth ever trying to turn our schedules “normal.” It’s bed between 1 AM and 5 AM. Then you get up at noon. It’s crazy to the rest of the world. It’s just the way it is with us.

I was so glad to find someone like myself. It was a nice reassurance. We’re out there — the musician’s widows of the world. There are less of us than there are musicians, so when you find one… you’re immediately friends.