Musician's Widow

Some days, I get up and I have energy to burn. My legs itch to run. I imagine myself doing cartwheels. I want to play or attack cleaning the house.

All too often, life dictates I do something else. Something more mundane. Something… not what I want to do.

Today? I gave in to the want. Indian Summer… the temps hit mid 70s today, and the sun broke through the clouds as I stepped out on my porch. Instantly I wanted to be 10 years old again, running through the field, swinging on a swing, playing a game of baseball.

And I decided… the laundry could wait. The blog could wait. The CD design could wait. The dishes could wait. I was going to play.

I got out my bike, and I rode up and down the drive way. Down was the most fun, where I didn’t even have to pedal, just let the wind whip my hair. I rode down, into the grass, around the garage and had to stand up and push to keep momentum back up onto the concrete. My legs screamed at me. I loved it.

I rode until I was panting and my hair was damp with sweat. Then I came into the house, and kept the forward motion going — cleaning the kitchen, starting the laundry and making spaghetti for supper. My husband commented that I was just a flurry of energy today.

And I was! All because I decided to take an hour out of my day and go outside to play.

Loved. It.

If you’ve ever watched CBS’s Big Brother, you know the mantra for the show is “Expect the Unexpected.” I’ve found that to be a pretty good mantra for life. Life likes to throw you curve balls. Some are gentle, and they hardly even register as a curve ball. Some are so curved you can’t possibly swing without carefully investigating if you should even try.

Now, the unexpected happens a lot with a touring musician husband. Last minute shows. Cancelled shows. Traffic keeping them from getting home by a certain time. Weather, flights, gear malfunctions, any number of things can happen. I am generally, as a result, pretty good at taking things in stride. Generally. Not always, but generally.

I had a “not always” this week and it left me in a funk. Left me downright pessimistic. Hence my lack of post yesterday. I don’t write well when I am glowering at the world. Cursing its curve balls. But, a funny thing happened… I had even more unexpecteds occur, and they were really quite positive.

As usual, I tagged along to a jam night that my husband is in the house band for every Tuesday night. My heart wasn’t in it.  I walked in the bar, grabbed a beer and plunked my butt down at a table. I’m pretty sure I even gave a little “Hmph” as I did. I usually mix and mingle, but last night? Not even on my radar. I tried to bury myself in my Twitter feed on my phone. I hoped that I was giving off a huge, “Leave me alone” vibe.

However, mingling came to me. I saw several faces I’ve not seen a far too long. Faces that all lit up to see me and arms that wrapped me in big hugs. The bar was busier than its been on a jam night in awhile, with many road musicians in attendance (and a few artists as well!). As an extra treat, I got to see Eric (Nashville Musician’s Survival Guide) and Kelly (Do It The Hard Way), both of which unknowingly boosted my writing confidence. Something I needed, as I’ve felt like I’ve just been phoning it in lately.

Now, some of the mingling wasn’t exactly welcomed. At one point in the night, my table was pretty much just taken over by another group. I was at first determined to hold my ground. I was there first, and I was, by far, going to be there a lot later. I passive-aggressively complained on Twitter about my unwelcome guests. I was not happy. (Personal space, people! Personal space!)

However, I started to look around a noticed that the bartenders on duty were being swamped terribly. So I got up (in a huff) and decided maybe the best therapy for me was work. I started clearing tables and asking if anyone needed anything. I washed dishes, and I felt my mood lift a bit. I wasn’t doing it to make any money, I was doing it just to help out and get out of my own head.

Turned out it was just as well, as one of the bartenders needed to leave early any way! I ended up behind the bar for the rest of the night and not only lifted my spirit but did go home with a few dollars in my pocket.

The night ended with me, my husband, and two friends sitting at the end of the bar eating chips, drinking water and having a big therapy session until 5 AM. I had a doctors appointment the next day, and I had fully intended to be in bed early. But the unexpected early-morning hours talking was worth the lost sleep. I went home with a far better attitude than I’d had all night.

I had expected my doctor’s appointment to be fairly quick. My last one was, so why not this one? Of course, instead, I was called back an hour late. I was hungry. I was tired. I was grumpy…

My doctor made me laugh and had such an amazing attitude, I left smiling and not minding the late exit one bit. Oh my stomach was upset because it wanted food, but my attitude was much improved.

Expecting the unexpected doesn’t have to mean anything bad. It can also be for the good. And as I look over the last few days, I see a lot of little positive surprises, way more positive ones than negative ones. I’m sure going to try to focus on that, and, you know, I’m going to try to focus on that concept in the future. Its so easy to get wrapped up in the negative, but I sure would rather focus on the positive.

The video of the band Sidewinder covering the Adele song “Rolling in the Deep” comes courtesy of an anonymous Twitter feed run by a man who goes by the Twitter handle @areyousuprised. He says he’s stationed in a “Sandbox, Middle East” and he uses his Twitter feed and YouTube videos to “build up the courage to come out to family, girlfriend, friends, and coworkers,” once “don’t ask, don’t tell” ends. It’s not clear whether he’s one of the members of the band, but he did sent the video into a viral tailspin he hadn’t quite expected. “My latest video is getting blown up like crazy,” he wrote.

The band members did not expect it either. Staff Sgt. Angie Johnson, of the 571st Air Force Band, 131st Bomb Wing, Air National Guard, only found out about the viral video when Carson Daly contacted her on Twitter. In short order, Mark Burnett and NBC’s the Voice reached out as well. “ Totally can’t believe I’m tweeting with you right now. Jaw.On.Floor,” Johnson wrote.

Air Force band’s Adele cover goes viral
By Melissa Bell

Jaw on floor is exactly what happened to me when I saw Angie post on her Facebook page that Carson Daly was trying to reach her. I couldn’t wait to tell my  husband, who met Angie while overseas performing for the troops himself. He always said, “It is only a matter of time before she’s discovered.” His respect and amazement at the entire Air Force Band is one he’s never hidden. They are incredibly talented individuals who take it a step further by choosing to serve their country.

YouTube sensations happen every day. You never know what its going to be… a skateboarding dog… some crazy trick shot in any given sport… or recently, a barking cat. But its one of those things that happens to strangers. Watching it happen to a friend is… crazy!

Now, I’ll be the first to admit, my husband and I don’t “run around with” Angie and her husband, and I haven’t actually seen her in a couple years. She isn’t on speed dial — I’m not even sure I actually have her current phone number. But I keep up with her via Facebook and Twitter. I still deeply regret missing her wedding, but her posts about enjoying her home, or spending time with her husband, always make me smile. We do the, “We need to get together!” game, but sadly never actually do. Just a couple weeks ago, she posted a series of photos of her in a box as a prank while overseas in an undisclosed location. I admit I giggled and shook my head. I admire her; she doesn’t even know how much of a joy her posts are.

Living in Nashville, I am not for want for amazing singers. Some stand out more than others. But across the board, it baffles and saddens me how many get passed up by record labels for any reason or for no reason. So many great singers that the world will never know. So many who ache to just sing their songs for a living, but instead waitress or work as mechanics. So many that live on the tips they earn downtown, praying they don’t have their cars repossessed, cell phones turned off, or maybe just hope to get to eat tonight. Talent undiscovered all over the place.

Seeing Angie be discovered in such a random way in this crazy business amazes me. She wasn’t found anywhere here in Music City. She was found via YouTube while entertaining our troops somewhere out in the sands “over there.” It just reminds me to not give up hope of dreams coming true in the most random and unlikely of ways.

Good luck, girl!! You deserve it!

I could easily be called a sunset girl. Being a night owl, I rarely see a sunrise, unless I am on my way home from a particularly late night at work. But sunsets I embrace. The way the sky turns from a brilliant day-time blue to hues of purple, pink, yellows, oranges and sometimes brilliant reds. It beckons the end of a day, and it heralds in a peaceful quiet night.

However, I’ve chanced to see a few sunrises lately for one reason or another. Today was one such day… I stayed up to take first my husband to the airport, then a friend who had a flight an hour or two later. Some would grumble about this, but for me it worked out nicely. I stay up until the early morning hours anyway (consider it a side effect of being married to a musician as well as part-time bartending until the early AM hours), and it afforded me the chance to witness another gorgeous sunrise.

This one:

Sunrise over BNA

There is something so gorgeous about a sunrise. Oh sure, from this photo you could easily say it could be a sunset OR a sunrise. But trust me when I say this was one gorgeous sunrise. It filled me with such a sense of renewal. Such a sense of hope for a good day.

Back in college when I’d see sunrise regularly, I wish I’d taken time to truly appreciate it as I do today. To appreciate the beginning it brings… a new day with new chances to succeed and embrace life.

I hope everyone has a wonderful day… I sure plan to.

Ever have one of those days when everything just seems good and positive?

I’m having one today.

I mean, not even a way-too-close-near-fender-bender could rile me up today! Not even noticing my yard is the worst yard in the neighborhood and needs to be mowed desperately could get me down. Heck, not even the express lane being farrrr from express at Kroger could upset me.

I just have a perma-smile going on, and I’m loving it!

This little part of me wants to go, “Uh oh. What’s going to go wrong around the corner? This can’t last…” but I keep squashing that down hard. Like a really ugly, awful, poisonous bug. Because I want to enjoy this.

Today is a day when I feel with deep certainty I am on the path I am meant to be on in life. There have just been the tiniest of signs all day that make me go, “Yup. This is right.” And as a result, there is this spring in my step and a smile that won’t stop. I feel carefree giggles want to bubble up from my gut of just joy of life.

As a result, I find people responding positively to me. I went to the liquor store for a bottle of wine for myself. As I left I smiled and told the owner (who was sitting at a table offering out samples since you can do that now in Tennessee), “Thanks! Have a great day!” and he stared at me in shock for a moment. Then responded with a smile and equally happy, “You too!!” The teller at the bank was warm and bubbly back to me with a, “Have a great weekend!” And at Target, I chatted up a particularly sullen looking cashier until she smiled back before I left.

A friend has in her Twitter profile, “When you love life, life loves you back.” And today that was reflected back to me ten fold, everywhere I went.

Oh sure… that little voice keeps going, “Day is not over yet…” as the little Devil that lives on my shoulder tries to bring me down. Tries to turn me from my positive outlook. Instead, I’m looking at it with a bright smile and responding back, “Shut up.” I’m riding this ride of positive things…

Wishing everyone a great weekend!!! Remember to smile… you never know whose day you might brighten with it.

My husband and his "other woman"

I noticed yesterday that I had a hit on this blog with the search, “musicians love music more than spouce.” Yeah, I didn’t fix the spelling. Keepin’ it real here.

That really made me stop. It really made me a little sad. It really made me want to share my point of view on that.

There was a period of time when my husband and I were dating that I thought that myself. In fact, for awhile it made things easier to think, “The music comes first. And I come second.” Deep down, I spent a lot of time wrestling with that thought and the feelings that accompanied it. Was I okay with that? Was that even true?

Here I am, four and a half years into our marriage, and I realize that thought I had couldn’t be further from the truth. And maybe… maybe I can help the person who did that search come to realize what I’ve come to realize.

Music isn’t something my husband loves. No, its simply a part of who he is. Music is in his soul. It’s as much a part of him as is his arms and legs. It’s practically in his DNA. He needs it like he needs air and water. Even if he were to quit the music tomorrow, he’d still play. He’d still pick apart songs on the radio. He’d still tune my voice out to listen to whatever is being piped through the little speakers in a restaurant.

It’s not that he loves music more than me. It’s that the music is a part of him. And it is in that fact, that I love the music, too.  I have always loved music, but I love it in a different way today. It is a part of our life — at times it IS our life — because its just who he is.

We have a running joke that his Leslie speaker is his “other woman.”  And that I bought her for him. He sees her more than he sees me these days. It’s a lighthearted humor we have in this crazy life.

We’ve talked at length about how WE come before the music. We’ve at least once faced the possibility of walking away from the music, because we thought it was what we needed. Thankfully? Unseen forces threw us right back into the life… wild, crazy, wacky and stressful as it is. I am thankful. Because its just a part of who my husband is… dare I say he is most alive when he’s on stage and everything is clicking. Harmonies, mixes, his piano sound, the Leslie is singing… even when he’s exhausted there’s the light in his eyes.

Simply put, music is a huge part of the man I fell in love with and married. It doesn’t come first, because for a musician… it is not a thing TO come first.

YOU, their spouse, come first. You keep them grounded. You give them the momentum and reason to keep going. Support them. Love them. Love the music. And you’ll find a beautiful harmony in your life.