Musician's Widow

High school rock stars

There’s a Cross Canadian Ragweed song that says, “You’re always 17 in your hometown.” And in a lot of ways, its true. I don’t know what it is about rolling into your hometown that slips you back into that mode. You remember your high school glories. Suddenly I find myself walking with that old swagger. I look around and, while many things have changed, I find a deep comfort in how much is still the same.

I’m in my hometown right now, working at the family business. The other day, I had to make a trip over to the pharmacy. I forgot to pack allergy pills and had to go grab myself a bottle to get through the change in climate and geography.

As I went to leave, I noticed a couple cars in the parking lot. Probably 7 or 8 high school aged kids were hanging out. I had my windows up so I couldn’t hear if they were jamming out to tunes or anything.  But I recognized that swagger in their step. I recognized the attitude in how they  leaned against the cars. This town is THEIR town right now. They are the keepers of the school’s spirit.

It made me smile. It made me actually shake my head to realize none of them were even in school when I was in their shoes. It didn’t make me feel old, as I thought it would. It just made me realize that time moves on, and they are where they are to be and I am where I am meant to be. I wouldn’t trade places with them for all the money in the world.

I may be in my  hometown… but I am most definitely not 17. And I am totally happy in that fact.

Writing prompt today from Daily Challenge by Me You Health: Share 3 small things that made you happy when you were a child or teenager.Think back to your childhood or teen years and share three little things that made you ridiculously happy. Was it making a phone call to a favorite aunt or uncle you didn’t talk to often? A food that knocked your socks off the first time you tasted it? A memorable trip to a museum? If it brought a grin to your young face, it belongs on the list. *I’m currently on a “Finding Fulfillment” track on Daily Challenge (a site that gives you a daily challenge to promote everyday well-being).

Childhood… when things are simpler and you’re clueless to how amazing the simplicity is. This prompt has left me filing through memories for a long time, trying to choose the best answers to share.

Books. I wish I read even half as much as I did as a kid. I devoured books like they were candy. And even long after I could read, Mom would read to me before sleep. No matter how sleepy she was, she’d read to me. As I got older, we transitioned to chapter books. I still remember when she read Where the Red Fern Grows and even my brother would come and listen as she’d read a chapter or two. Treasured, treasured memories.

Playing until dark. I can’t imagine spending all my summer in front of a TV playing video games or on the computer playing computer games. I remember playing outside until dark, and still not wanting to go inside. Swinging on the swings. Playing make-believe games, writing stories in my head as I went along. Playing basketball or any number of made-up games with my brother. Oh the carefree feeling of playing for hours on end!

Hotel stays. Call me silly, but I hardly remember trips to Six Flags, etc. It’s the hotel stays that I remember! Even though I really couldn’t swim, I looked forward to a hotel pool every summer. I wanted to jump in the pool the minute we checked in, and I think I’d have stayed in the water until the pool closed, if could have. We didn’t have cable when I was a kid. I grew up with CBS, ABC, NBC, PBS and (eventually) FOX. Sometimes when people my age talk about shows they liked as a kid, they receive a blank stare from me because I didn’t get the stations they got. However, any time we went on vacation and stayed in a hotel, I’d fight sleep to watch Nick-at-Night. Mr. Ed, The Patty Duke Show, and The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis are favorites of mine to this day because of those nights at a hotel.

I could list countless more memories that make me smile! This is so much fun! Definitely brought a smile to my face.

What about you… what are three of YOUR happy memories?

Five years ago, I said, “I do” to my best friend. Five years ago, surrounded by family and friends, I became my husband’s wife. Five years ago… seems like it was just yesterday.

I randomly will remember moments from that day. Everything from making sure I didn’t run into my groom before I walked down the aisle to the rain softly falling as we stepped out of the church to cutting the cake to doing the Aggie War Hymn to sitting at our little cabin for the night eating summer sausage and drinking Crown and cokes. And everything in between those events. It doesn’t feel like we should be celebrating FIVE YEARS.

But, in the same breath… I can believe it.

I sure can’t fit in my dress any more. We’ve had three different addresses in those five years. We’ve handled job losses and job advances. We’ve lost pets, and we’ve gotten new ones. We continue to chase our dreams, both each other’s biggest fans. We now understand the statement, “I love you more every day.”

We’ve had arguments. We’ve had laughter so hard we couldn’t breathe. We’ve had moments of glory, we’ve had moments of failure. We’ve lived our life hand-in-hand for the last five years, and we hold hands looking to many, many more ahead.

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*Photo by AJW Photo.

Five years ago tonight, we had our joint bachelor/bachelorette party. None of my husband’s friends had met any of my friends, so it was a chance to get everyone together before the wedding (something I credit for our having such a smooth wedding!). Plus, my now-husband and I had no interest in separate parties… we wanted to party together!

After meeting in a small town outside of College Station, TX, we all drove (in several vehicles) to Aggieland for dinner at Freebirds and then dancing at Hurricane Harry’s. It. Was. Epic!

What great memories! Everyone got along famously, and I am happy to say we are still friends with all our wedding party! I hear all too often about friendships fading after a wedding (just in different places in life, I guess) but it has not been the case for us. Every friendship is just as precious as it was that night, when we shut the place down partying the night away.

It was a party that continued into the next few days…

This was the 10th New Year’s Eve I’ve spent with my husband.

We rang in…
2003: Billy Bob’s Texas, Ft. Worth, TX
2004: Cowboys Red River, Dallas, TX
2005: Sixth Street, Austin, TX
2006: Jubitz, Portland, OR
2007: Flag Hall, Cyclone, TX
2008: Lexington, KY
2009: Fiddle & Steel, Nashville, TN
2010: Flag Hall, Cyclone, TX
2011: Fiddle & Steel, Nashville, TN
2012: Fiddle & Steel, Nashville, TN

This was the first year that we BOTH worked the night, which meant we were together, but not. My husband taking the cover charge at the door; me, slinging drinks behind the bar.

It was a crazy  night, a bigger New Year’s Eve than I’d seen in… well… ever. SO many people downtown Nashville, and it got scary to look up at the bar patrons. Lined four deep, it got overwhelming at times, trying to keep up with the demand. We ran out of most of our beer, and we actually called it a night a little bit early.

Didn’t help much, as we still didn’t leave the bar until 5:30 am… but I have to say, I can’t think of a more satisfying way to open 2012. Working hard as the clock struck midnight. Lets hope this year is full of hard, satisfying work, where we end it looking back feeling like we’ve been successful in all our endeavors.

Happy New Year, everyone!

Christmas is a joyous time of year. Celebrating the birth of Jesus. Enjoying time with family and friends. Finding a moment of peace here on Earth. However, this Christmas I’ve acknowledged the sting of loss during this season. Just yesterday, I learned of two deaths, and my heart ached for their families left behind.

One was a regular at the bar I work at… a kind man who you could depend on for anything. He was our resident carpenter. Sometimes I think the bar was still standing thanks to him. He took many under his wings, standing in as a father figure to many. He had a genuine smile, and was quiet. Often times you didn’t know what he was thinking, but when you’d get to talk to him you’d be revealed a wealth of knowledge. He and my husband became friends after learning they were both Freemasons. When I would work in the hot dog stand, he’d come buy out the candy bars, often leaving me a nice tip. (Even when I’d carefully return him change to avoid it, he’d chide me and tell me to break the big bills down into smaller bills.) His want to buy all the candy to give to the bartenders and waitresses next door made me smile… his kindness unmistakable.

When I received word that he had a massive stroke, with 0% chance of survival, my heart stopped for a moment. And when I heard word he had been taken off life support and had passed away, my heart ached deeply for his children, left two days before Christmas without their Dad… a man who was truly an angel walking here on Earth.

Then later, I learned a woman who graduated a few years ahead of me — her sister a classmate of mine — passed away suddenly yesterday morning. Scouring Facebook for more details, my heart once again ached for the two beautiful little girls left this Christmas without their Mom. This woman posted just Tuesday that she couldn’t wait for Friday, I presume to start her Christmas celebrations. I was struck by life’s cruel irony that Friday would instead be her last day here on Earth. I dropped a note to her sister, but words just seemed cheap at this moment.

This all comes on top of learning about deaths in car accidents (specifically a Texas A&M football player earlier this week), and loss of homes. Death. Loss of any kind. They all sting. But their sting is just a bit sharper. Just a bit more bitter in this time of joy all around.

I pray for strength for these families dealing with their losses. I pray they can still find joy in Christmas, even if its a bittersweet joy. Similarly, I hope those who lost loved ones throughout the last year can find ways to honor their lost loved one, but still see the peace of the holiday. The hope and joy its meant to bring.

My grandma always loved Christmas. The family would gather. Songs were sung; poems were read. Gifts were shared, and food… oh all the food. My parents now live in what was my grandparent’s house, and even though they’ve been in this house for 10 years now — it being my home as well for over half that time — I still will get a moment of pause remembering memories of times lost past, especially here at Christmas. Just today I had one of those brief moments walking through the dining room. For a split second it was as if I stepped back in time, and instead of at Mom and Dad’s house, I was in Grandma’s house and it was time to start preparing for our Christmas dinner soon. I didn’t want to shake the feeling off. I wanted to revel in it. I wanted to remember with a smile.

I hope those facing their deep loss this Christmas will one day do the same; they’ll not look at Christmas with sadness but with the joy of those beautiful memories made before this sadness hit them. God Bless them all and give them strength.

Let’s all take a moment this Christmas to enjoy those we love a little more than usual. To file away those happy memories for the future. They are more priceless than any physical gift could ever hope to be…