Musician's Widow

I am flying home today. And yet, I’m at home.

I’m blessed with two homes. The one I have with my husband and our crazy, wonderful life in Nashville. The other in Texas where I grew up and where my family is. Like I wrote in a note to my brother tonight, “I have the best of both worlds. I am happy to be going, but I am sad to be leaving.”

How wonderful a feeling, to know you have two places that you are loved and that you call “home.” I am truly blessed and so very thankful.

Today, as I fly home to Nashville, I wanted to pass along a challenge for today to be a day for Random Acts of Kindness.

See, my sister-in-law’s second cousin was killed in a car accident last month.

She was only 16.

Today would have been her 17th birthday.

I didn’t know Lauren personally, but I know she meant a the world to her family and friends. I’ve read and heard many stories in the last few weeks about the good she did in her short life — kindness that many of us dream to aspire to do, and yet somehow often will fall short.

Her loved ones decided a way to honor her memory would be to make what would have been her birthday be a day to commit “random acts of kindness” in Lauren’s memory.

[Article from KBTX - Bryan/College Station about the movement.]

This world is so filled with an “all about me” mentality. I think a day to focus on someone else would be refreshing. And to have to be in memory of a life cut short? Well, that’s an added bonus.

I will be flying from Austin, TX to Nashville, TN today. And I fully intend that somewhere in between — or perhaps a few times in between — to participate in this day of good deeds…

Won’t you join us?

This last weekend, I went to two shows to spend the weekend with my husband. He had shows in Katy, TX and then Poteet, TX — about three hours apart from each other — and a no-brainer for me to attend.

Now, before I continue with my story, two things I want to note:

1) No, I don’t “go on the road with the band.” I get that question a lot, and the short and simple answer is, “No.” Now, I know there ARE some acts that do take musician’s wives on the road with them, atleast here and there. However, I’ve not really done it myself.

I’ve hitched a ride on the bus twice. Once when I needed to go to Texas and my husband had a show close to my destination. So instead of flying, the artist he was with at the time allowed me to catch a ride with them down. Then another time I caught a ride to Nashville from Texas. I did get to go to Hawaii for a week with my husband on a gig,too. But past that, if I am at a show, its because I’ve taken myself there, and I’m taking myself back home.

2) This is the second time I’ve done a “two show weekend” to see my husband. Only the last time was about six years ago, and we weren’t even flirting with dating. Ironically, the travel time between those two shows was almost twice the time between the shows this last weekend.

So all that said, back to my story. I went to the show in Katy, and it was the first time I’d seen my husband in a month. I was beyond excited, and I made sure to enjoy every minute of the weekend.

A bonus of the trip is the fact that I genuinely really just love the group my husband is with right now. So I was also excited to get to hang out with these guys that I consider friends myself, and the really cool thing? They were SO aware and accommodating of the fact that my husband and I hadn’t seen each other in so long. A fact that did not go unnoticed and unappreciated.

At the show that first night, I was standing side stage, and when the band was introduced, I was introduced right along with my husband! It’s happened about three times now, and its not something I ever expect to have happen. In fact the first time, I turned bright red (we had JUST gotten engaged that time) and almost ran out of the showroom! I didn’t know how to react! This time, when I was told to, “Wave to the crowd!” I did with a giggle and… what can I say?? It was REALLY COOL!! REALLY cool. I am pretty sure I was beaming. LOL! How can you NOT be blown away by that and get, well, a thrill?

After the show, some fans went and got all the band members to sign a t-shirt… and they asked ME to sign it. “We’ll make you famous too!” they said.

I declined at first, but at their insistence, I signed below my husband’s signature. Bizarre much? Yeah. Definitely. And absolutely something I’m amused about, but let’s face it. I’m certainly not going to let it go to my head, and at the end of the day the only person I care to get recognition from is my husband. I’m his biggest fan, and I have this wonderful fulfillment knowing he’s mine.

THAT is all that matters.

I was born and raised in Texas, but I call Nashville, Tennessee home now. However, from January – April, I spend more time in Texas than in Tennessee.

See, my parents own and operate a bookkeeping and income tax preparation service. I’ve worked for them off and on for over ten years, and in the past couple of years we’ve realized something. They need the help during tax season, and its the time of year that my husband and I desperately need one of us working more steadily. So, instead of them hiring someone else that they’d have to train, and instead of me finding some part-time temp work, we discover a win-win situation for us all.

Win-win outside of the fact that I am away from home for weeks at a time. We joke that its the time of year in which I go on the road for work. Its work that I do honestly enjoy. There’s a nice familiarity to it, and it is kind of fun! (Besides, how can you not be grateful for the opportunity to spend quality time with your parents?)

Then come summer, its my husband who goes on the road for work for days — occasionally weeks — at a time. He’ll be off doing his job which is a huge part of who he is. Music is, I think, actually part of his genetic make-up! It’s that much a part of him.

Needless to say, within all of this, we’re good at being apart. Doesn’t mean we LIKE it. It just means we’re not going to fall apart being apart.

So here I am, writing from home. Nashville-home. Wishing I could make these next few hours stretch and lengthen. Tomorrow, I head back to Texas to finish out tax season, and I won’t be back home for over a month. Luckily, my husband’s job will bring him within a few hours of me in a few weeks, so I’ll at least get to spend a little while with him before I go home. I’ll be looking forward to that more than anyone knows.

See, as cheesy as the line has become thanks to a certain movie, we really do complete each other. It’s why we’re married and best friends! We both have an extra spring in our step when we’re together. To quote a card my husband gave me when I came home last week: “Good things are twice as fun… Bad things are only half as bad.”

That being said, I am left sitting here pondering the fact that both locations are places I consider “home.” One being where my roots are. The other being where I am laying new roots. Both places have their own rhythm. Both places have elements that I love. Both places have elements I dislike. But in the end… they’re both a part of me.

So every time I fly from one location to another, I feel excited and happy. I also feel an element of sadness to be leaving wherever I am leaving — be it Texas or Nashville. It’s a strange feeling. A strange place to be in. And yet its nice. Nice to have two places to call home.

Home is where the is love. And the more love a person has, the better off they are. Because its more valuable than gold. More precious than diamonds. It’s home.

I heard an article yesterday that a college in Massachusetts is now accepting YouTube videos of students applying for admission.

An excerpt from the story:

“We’re not judging it on the qualities of the production values,” says Lee Coffin, dean of admissions at Tufts. “We’re not looking for Oscar-winning short films. What we’re really hoping to get out of these videos is another part of the puzzles that make up this 17-year-old person.”

I’m glad I didn’t have this kind of pressure on my shoulders when I applied to college!  However, I can’t help but sit and wonder what I’d have done as a video when I was 17. Who I am today and who I was twelve a few years ago are two different people! However, in the same breath, my core values haven’t changed one bit.

First and foremost, I would have to introduce my family. It’s changed some since I was 17. My niece and my husband have both been added to the family since then. More love to go around! I have without a doubt been blessed with the most amazing family. A family that is supportive and loving. A family that laughs together and leans on each other. A family that I can always rely on to be there for me. And one that I will always been here for… they are truly the people who mold me more than anything else.

My faith would also be at the top of the list. My faith and the hope and strength God gives to me is a huge part of who I am. I am not someone who will wear my faith on my sleeve, but I also will not deny it. I will not hold back how much I do lean on it to get me through trials in life.

My faith is stronger today than it was back then.

Home would have to be introduced. Back then, I would have focused on my hometown, and my love for wide open fields and back roads. Today, I would have to show that, but I would also have to put a heavy focus on my city. I absolutely love Nashville and its vibe. I love its melting pot of people, and the wonderful friends I’ve made there.

My school would have to be acknowledged. Back then, high school and the pride I had in my school then. Today, being an Aggie is a bigger part of who I am than anyone could ever understand or truly respect. Digs against my school could very will be considered a dig against me personally. My school is more than its football team. My school is a family in and of itself. I could never ask anyone to understand. All I ever ask is to for it to be respected.

Finally, lots of little quirks make me who I am. Back then, things like yearbook, newspaper, band, flags, CDs and my pick up truck would be who I would introduce. Today, writing, photography, travel, my cats, my home, and a good home-cooked meal would probably be what I add to the mix.

Come to think of it, there would be absolutely no way for me to capture all the things that make me who I am in a way that would be true to myself. I suspect many of those applying for admission are realizing that fact, and are instead taking the catchy route. Sometimes its easier to entertain than it is to study yourself.

But at 17 — heck at ANY age — its not a bad idea to do just that. Take time to consider what it is that makes you who you are, and a step beyond that… how do you portray that to the world?

Believe it or not, Valentine’s Day is one of my favorite holidays. To those who think its just a “Hallmark Holiday” I say, “Bah humbug.” I’ve liked Valentine’s Day since I was a kid. I liked Valentine’s Day when I was single. I like Valentine’s Day now that I am married.

Me and my husband -- Valentine's 2010

I remember that in Kindergarten, on Valentine’s Day my parents gave me a card/book with cherry heart lollipops. I honestly wish I still had that book! I can’t tell you anything about the story any more, but I remember getting my teacher to read it to the class that day. (Come to think about it now, I think I’ve always liked to “share with the class.” Hence blogging.)

The other day, I asked my niece if she was looking forward to her Valentine’s Day party at school. If she’d get lots of cards from her classmates. Her response was, “Like always.” I had to laugh to myself. I miss those little cards! I always liked the many ways “Denise” could be spelled, and there was something nice about having all your classmates have to think of you for a minute in the form of those little cards.

In high school, Valentine’s Day 1997, I attended my first concert ever. Bryan White — whom I admit I had a huge crush on at that time — was playing in Waco, TX. A girl friend and I had floor seats for the show, and I jokingly would say I had a date with Bryan for the night. It was an amazing night, and I have to say it was definitely THE night my life focus changed from being small-town Texas girl for life and setting my sights on Music City and the music business.

College days came and so did an “ok-ness” with being single. I had great Valentine’s in high school, but being single and NOT having roses in the office waiting for me all four years? Was almost worse than being picked last for dodge ball in elementary school. However, in college, there wasn’t the pressure or finger pointing of “single” or “dating” that there was before.

An excerpt from my LiveJournal on Feb. 14, 2002:

I am so content and happy with my singleness. I don’t need a man to validate me as a person or anything. I am me. I like me. Yeah, maybe it is “Singles Awareness Day”. Fine by me! I am aware I am single. And I’m okay with that.

I have the bestest friends. In real life and on the net. You guys just keep me grinning like mad. Most of you I’ve only know for a few months, but already you’ve helped me through some rough times. You’ve laughed with me. You’ve cried with me. You’ve done more than was necessary. I love you all from the bottom of my heart. How I got so lucky to get to know you, I’ll never know. Nor will I question it. I am just thankful for each and every one of you. Happy Valentine’s to you…

In 2003, I wrecked my truck the day before Valentine’s Day, and in 2004 I got my belly button pierced. You can’t say I don’t have eventful Valentine’s Days sometimes!

Three years after celebrating my singleness, on Valentine’s Day 2005, my now-husband and I said “I love you” for the first time. Quit dancing around it and said it. At least we picked an easy day to remember!

Now married three years, but due to work, my husband and I have only spent the last two Valentine’s Days together. And that’s okay… doesn’t make the day any less special. I know we should tell those we love that we do love them every chance you get. But there’s something nice about having a day set aside to really focus on that fact. To tell everyone — our “significant others,” our families, our friends — that we love them. That we care about them. That we are glad they are in our lives.

To everyone who reads this… Happy Valentine’s Day. May you love and be loved deeply.

(By the way, to those who think this holiday was created to sell cards, history tells us it was celebrated as far back as the Middle Ages… long before Hallmark cards. So. PBTHTHTHTHTHTH)