Musician's Widow

Friends... they all started on-line. (I've had this image for YEARS now. Crazy how things have changed since then.)

What makes a great weekend night?

Good music? Good friends? Perhaps a drink or two?

I had all of that tonight. All while sitting alone on my couch.

When I was in college, I met some of my best friends. A good chunk of them started out as an obscure screen name on a message board. That obscure name started to have a story and a real name. That real name soon became a close friend through journal posts and emails. Those posts eventually morphed into a name and number in my phone. Some of those eventually results in meeting face-to-face, providing me with cherished memories.

I don’t post in my private journal as much. I often don’t even load instant messenger these days, unless its to chat with my Mom in the evening. I’ve gotten pretty wrapped up in my life right here, right now. But tonight I was reminded: I have dear friends who aren’t right here, right now. And those friends are people I need and want in my life.

So as I pack up to go to bed, I can’t help but think to myself…

We spend money on an internet connection and a laptop, and its most often used for work these days. But at one time, I had these items for pleasure. We would actually have “girls night” online! Late night voice chats — five or six girls all fighting to talk at the same time. Or perhaps just as many chat boxes open, juggling multiple conversations at once. Or perhaps we’d just hijack a thread on a message board to share our crazy fun.

These people all enriched my life, and somewhere over time and miles, they get a little lost. Sometimes, you have to just have a date night with those friends. Stay home and reconnect with old friends. It’s not only saving you money, but it’s also maybe bringing you back to yourself in a way.

A little late, but pausing to give thanks…

Family

My parents and my husband at Thanksgiving dinner

I have the most awesome family. Ever.

My husband is wonderful. I seriously married my best friend. We regularly joke, “Its just too bad we never have any fun together” as we’re doubled over with laughter as we crack each other up. Or if there is something wrong, we can always pick it up in just a few words. It’s… something I am so lucky to have.

And even days when I am PMSing, and I know he feels like he can’t do anything right. And maybe deep down I wish he’d go find some gig to do for the night. (But, you know, if he did, I’d probably get upset that he’s not home. LOL!) I’m sincerely thankful for him every single day, and I really don’t know what I’d do without him.

He’s stuck with me.

My parents are in a word: incredible. I am blessed with parents that are my teachers, my friends, my cheerleaders, and my psychiatrists. I could never begin to say “Thank you” enough for all they’ve done for, and with, me in my life. I am so, so, so lucky. They are without a doubt the coolest parents ever.

Ever.

My brother and sister-in-law probably have no idea how much I admire them. As a couple. As indivduals. Especially as parents themselves. I look up to them, and I’ve been taking lots of notes. They are an inspiration to me.

My nephew and niece are just cool, cool kids that are growing up WAY TOO FAST. My nephew is in junior high. HOW did that happen already?? I was just putting him to bed in a crib yesterday, I swear! And my niece has better fashion sense than me. And I am okay with this. I think. Maybe. Hmmm… But in all seriousness? Those two kids have no idea how much they make my day every time I see them, and how they cross my mind daily.

My in-laws are awesome as well… and I really wish we could see them a lot more often than we do. If I could ever say I have any regrets, it would be not seeing my husband’s family far more often. Miles and money always seem to get in the way. We are very blessed to have them in our lives, and I am grateful to at least have internet and telephones to keep in touch with them.

I also have really rockin’ (albeit dysfunctional at times – LOL! – I say that very lovingly) extended family, that make me smile. And I know I could lean on them at a time of trouble. And for this fact, and for so many more, I feel so blessed.

Surrounded by friends

Friends
Old Friends! New Friends! Acquaintences!

If a person’s wealth were to be measure by the friends they have, I’d without a doubt be a millionaire.

Friends in Texas. Friends in Nashville. My Aggies. My fellow writers. My friends around the country. I couldn’t begin to list them all, but I also do not take a single one for granted. Not a single friend taken for granted… and I am deeply thankful.

Faith
I’m living a lot of my life these days on sheer faith. My motto has been, for many years, “Everything happens for a reason.”

Within the last couple of years, that fact has shown itself to be true time and time again. And sheer faith and belief that it’ll all be okay has come true. I truly and strongly believe in a greater being. I believe in God. And he’s stepped in and held my hand a lot. And for that… I could never say Thank you enough. All I can do is give credit where credit is due… and God and my faith in Him has been a big part of getting through the trying times we all find ourselves going through today.

So this holiday season, I take a moment to focus on three things:

- my family.

- my friends.

- my faith,

Happy Thanksgiving, all!

There is a reason why the show Sex and the City was so popular. Okay, there are probably several reasons, but I know the biggest reason I like it:  it hit on the need for one’s girlfriends.

Girlfriends from high school...

I love my husband with all my heart. He’s my best friend and my soul mate. I sincerely ENJOY spending time with him more than anyone.

However, I still need my girls. They just help me recharge in a way that is impossible to explain. Sometimes they give me a reality check. Sometimes they let me check out of reality. Sometimes its just… a sisterhood that just is.

I went out with a couple girlfriends last night, and I had a total blast. I’m so thankful my husband is so supportive and respectful of my girl time.

I’m blessed with what I would call three “groups” of girlfriends.

First and foremost I have my family girls. My mom and my sister-in-law. I always consider it an amazing blessing that as I’ve gotten older, I’ve had the good fortune to see my family as both my family and my friends. My mom is without a doubt my main female confidante. Without a doubt. And that is a fact that I cherish.

I have my old friends from high school and from college. Those girls who have THE most blackmail on me born out of years and years of friendship. My girls “back home.” My Texas Ladies. It’s pretty amazing that most of those friends are women I’ve known since elementary school! My friends back home are set in stone. Years of friendship that can’t be taken away. Girlfriends have come and gone within that group, but as I stand here today I can clearly see the select few that have stood steady all along.

Me and Elizabeth -- One of my Nashville girls

Then I have my Nashville ladies. This group is probably my most complex set of friends, and that is probably because they are my “current” group. As always in my life, I have a select few that I truly open up to and consider my core girls. Doesn’t mean they all know one another! But they are the ones I have found I hold closest to me in my heart. They are the ones I can confide in, and that I know I could turn to in need. Then I have, literally, a few dozen more that I consider dear friends… however its in a more social manner than intimate manner.

The friend I had dinner with nailed it on the head: “I’ve been hurt worse by women than I have ever been hurt by a man.”

That in and of itself is the intriguing thing about girlfriends. We need our girls. We need our sisterhood. But women are most vicious to other women.  Just when you open up to a fellow female, you open yourself up to the potential of deeply being hurt. You tell them your secrets, your gripes, your fears. You lay it all out there. Which I think is precisely why I’ve always kept my number of CLOSE friends down. There is that fear of being hurt. I need and want to trust you… but it doesn’t come easy.

Being married, many friendships now come in the form of fellow couples. Its a natural thing to have happen, and there’s something awesome within it. It really is a lot like getting two friends for the price of one… at least in most cases. I have to admit, though, it always does seem men can get along a lot easier and a lot faster than two women will. I do remember at least once telling my husband, “I like him… can’t really stand her.”  (And at this point, any couple friends we have are now paranoid that I am speaking of them. Relax. I’m not. I promise.)

Me and Anne -- One of my Texas girls...

I love my friends. All of them. Within that fact, I do open myself up to being hurt. And also within that, I fear hurting one of my friends without even realizing I am doing it.

I mostly say that in that I’ve seen a lot of friendships fade due to life just getting in the way. It was never an intentional loss of a friendship, it just came one day that I realized I’d lost touch with someone. That is a fact that always leaves me a little sad. Because I do cherish every single friendship — be it one of my closest friends or one of my more social friendships. I cherish that individual.

That being said, I’ve had a few friendships that I had to pull the plug on myself. Just because I needed to for my own good. Doesn’t make that loss of a friendship hurt any less! But it does make the mind and emotions more peaceful in general.

I don’t know that friendships can ever be analyzed in a fair way. They all are what they are. They come. They go. They all leave a mark on your life. They all mold you into who you are today.

I remember my senior year of high school, confiding in that one teacher who became more like a friend than a teacher. I told her that I love my friends I had then, but that I was excited to meet the people who would further mold me and come to hold lead roles in my life.

I think that at any given moment in my life, that statement is still just as true. I will always be selective of who I draw closest into my heart, but I enjoy meeting new people. I need my girlfriends. Every single one of them. Be they my mom, someone I’ve know for 20+ years, someone I’ve known six months, someone in the music industry, or someone who just has a solid footing in the “normal world.” I need them all.

I’ve been flirting with a sinus infection for almost a week now. Not unusual for me in May and October. My evil months of the year for health. I think I successfully kept the infection away, but…

This is the first time in a long time that my voice has completely exited. I can barely whisper… occassionally a little sound comes out. But on a whole, no voice. Atleast my throat doesn’t HURT. It just won’t emit sound!

Thank heavens for text messaging, instant messaging, Twitter and notepads! Otherwise, I’d be cut off from all communications. That would pretty much drive me crazy. Especially since my husband is in Oklahoma today, and I have a friend from back home visiting! This is not a good time to have no voice!

Me and Lindsey in the Alley

I guess I should be grateful I have a few days before I work downtown again. Perhaps that would be a worse time. Pretty hard to ask what someone wants on their hot dog when there’s no voice. I suppose I could just point at the menu and list of toppings. That might work, assuming they aren’t seeing double by that time.

I digress. Since I am all about adding pictures to my blog entries, I’ll put a picture here of me and Lindsey from Wednesday night. A picture is worth a thousand words, they say. I wonder if that counts double when there is no voice to say those words.

Hmmmm…

Anyway, Lindsey is my oldest friend with a history there that can never, ever, ever be denied or beaten. Known her since we were both 5! So 23 years of friendship. That’s rare to find these days. And reminiscing has been a BLAST! Not going to be ready to see her leave tomorrow morning.

Here’s to hoping my voice reappears this afternoon so we can continue to visit… maybe a trip to the mall will help. Maybe.

Do they sell voices at the mall?