Musician's Widow

Last week, when I flew from Austin to Nashville, I was treated to an overbooked flight full of small children. I was even that lucky passenger who ended up with the screaming child who kicked the back of my seat the entire flight. I figured I dare not complain, because it’ll be my luck it’ll be MY child screaming and kicking in a few years. I hoped deep down my lack of (visible) irritation might earn me some good karma points for the future.

Prior to boarding, it was pretty impossible to miss the gate crawling with children. I groaned, but soon one family caught my attention. I was afforded some wonderful little-people-watching.

I watched as a dad lead three kids to the windows so they could watch the planes come and go. His brood consisted of two boys, approximately ages 6 and 5, and a little girl who had to be shooting for 2 years old. The mom was no where to be seen for a long time, and I was filled with admiration at the dad’s patience. He was the picture of calm! The two boys were pretty self-sufficient. The little girl, though, was this whirlwind bundle of energy. Dad was constantly trying to let her be free without letting her get away.

At one point, though, things were a bit calmer around the gate, and Dad let the little girl run a little further. Her eyes shined bright and her smile was wide as this big expanse of carpet opened in front of her. Without hesitation, she threw her tiny body in the direction of “freedom” only to quickly get tangled up in her own feet. Down she went.

I waited for the tears to start, but instead this look of shock came over her face. Her mouth going from a smile to a shocked,  “Oh!” She blinked as if she were confused by her fall. Soon, two strong arms scooped her back up to her feet, as Dad lifted her up, set her down, and without hesitation she was off again without fear. This time, she got all the way across the open area.

Right away, I was struck by this realization. Even today, at 29, I’m still that little girl. We all are from time to time.

Life opens up a door, and we look out across this open area. And with bright shining eyes, we run towards it only to get tripped up — often by our feet. We haven’t fully prepared for this opportunity, or perhaps some mistake from the past sneaks up to bite us. Maybe we actually suddenly second-guess our own abilities.

Out of no where, strong arms come to scoop us up. Those arms could literally be a hug (or a bit of advice, or even a loan) from a parent. Perhaps its an encouraging word from a friend. Maybe its even as simple as a smile from a stranger that gives us a boost in our attitude.

However, its in that instant that we have a choice. We can give up and decide instead to ask someone to carry us. Perhaps we can just sit down where we are and give up.  Or we can decide to run. To take that encouragement and aid and decide to run towards our goal and opportunity in our life at full speed, un-afraid of falling again.

I was left sitting for the whole flight chewing on this revelation. How many times have I opted to give up? How many times have I taken the lift up and continued to run? And will I have the nerve to run again and again towards my goals?

I hope any time I think about sitting down and giving up I’ll think about that bright eyed little girl with no fear of falling. Who after falling down, getting up and running across the room continued to be adventurous. Who tripped over luggage and her own feet, only to get up and try again. Who only cried at the top of her lungs when she was strapped back in her stroller, because all she wanted to do was keep going. She was determined to not be stopped.

I want to have that little girl’s energy and ambition.

I will have it.

I was born and raised in Texas, but I call Nashville, Tennessee home now. However, from January – April, I spend more time in Texas than in Tennessee.

See, my parents own and operate a bookkeeping and income tax preparation service. I’ve worked for them off and on for over ten years, and in the past couple of years we’ve realized something. They need the help during tax season, and its the time of year that my husband and I desperately need one of us working more steadily. So, instead of them hiring someone else that they’d have to train, and instead of me finding some part-time temp work, we discover a win-win situation for us all.

Win-win outside of the fact that I am away from home for weeks at a time. We joke that its the time of year in which I go on the road for work. Its work that I do honestly enjoy. There’s a nice familiarity to it, and it is kind of fun! (Besides, how can you not be grateful for the opportunity to spend quality time with your parents?)

Then come summer, its my husband who goes on the road for work for days — occasionally weeks — at a time. He’ll be off doing his job which is a huge part of who he is. Music is, I think, actually part of his genetic make-up! It’s that much a part of him.

Needless to say, within all of this, we’re good at being apart. Doesn’t mean we LIKE it. It just means we’re not going to fall apart being apart.

So here I am, writing from home. Nashville-home. Wishing I could make these next few hours stretch and lengthen. Tomorrow, I head back to Texas to finish out tax season, and I won’t be back home for over a month. Luckily, my husband’s job will bring him within a few hours of me in a few weeks, so I’ll at least get to spend a little while with him before I go home. I’ll be looking forward to that more than anyone knows.

See, as cheesy as the line has become thanks to a certain movie, we really do complete each other. It’s why we’re married and best friends! We both have an extra spring in our step when we’re together. To quote a card my husband gave me when I came home last week: “Good things are twice as fun… Bad things are only half as bad.”

That being said, I am left sitting here pondering the fact that both locations are places I consider “home.” One being where my roots are. The other being where I am laying new roots. Both places have their own rhythm. Both places have elements that I love. Both places have elements I dislike. But in the end… they’re both a part of me.

So every time I fly from one location to another, I feel excited and happy. I also feel an element of sadness to be leaving wherever I am leaving — be it Texas or Nashville. It’s a strange feeling. A strange place to be in. And yet its nice. Nice to have two places to call home.

Home is where the is love. And the more love a person has, the better off they are. Because its more valuable than gold. More precious than diamonds. It’s home.

I always try to sit by the window on a flight, because I love to watch the scenery pass below...

The first time I ever flew on an airplane was January 5, 2004 from Austin, TX to Nashville, TN. Since then, I have logged more than 134 hours in the air on 62 flights.

I like to think I’ve become something of a pro at flying, even though I know I’ve not flown even half as much as someone like my husband has flown.

My longest flight was from Atlanta, GA to Honolulu, HI in 2006. It was 8.5 hours on a plane, but obviously the end result was worth it. Crystal clear blue water. Drinks served in pineapples. Leis at the airport. Spam on the menu — even at fancy restaurants. July 4th spent with the military. Memories that I can’t even begin to list in any sort of coherent or concise manner.

The flight back from Honolulu to Atlanta ranks as one of my worst flights due to a stomach ache half-way through the flight. It’s not funny to have a cramping stomach when your right in the middle of a row of four or five seats, and you still have about four hours to go in the air.

My absolute worst flying experience occurred in 2005, when I was flying from Nashville to Austin, and I’d opted to have a layover in Houston, TX at Hobby Airport.

First off, Hobby is probably my least favorite airport of all that I’ve flown through to date. For one thing (and San Diego, CA comes in a close second for this very same reason), I will never understand why an airport would ever be set up to where, when you change planes you have to come out of security and then back through security. Luckily, both times for me, it was just an annoyance. For others, like in San Diego, I watched full bottles of wine purchased as a keepsake behind security at one airport being thrown away because they couldn’t take it BACK through security to change planes. At least  all I did was lose time and almost be late for my flight. For others, they lost a lot of money.

A vast majority of the time, I fly Southwest. If I fly a different carrier, its because Southwest didn't offer a flight that worked for me.

However, Hobby became my least favorite airport when I got stuck there, due to bad weather, for around six hours. It wasn’t the weather that was frustrating for me. It was the total lack of information from the ground crew as to what was going on that day. We were constantly told our plane would be arriving shortly, when in reality it wasn’t. Going to get something to eat, or even going to use the restroom, became a gamble. Would our plane arrive when we were gone? Or are we being fed another line?

Its absolutely the only time I’ve had a “bad” experience with Southwest Airlines. Its absolutely the only time I’ve had to deal with airport personnel that really didn’t have a clue what was going on around them. It’s been four years, and I’ve not flown through Hobby since. It just left me with that bad of a taste in my mouth for air travel.

I’ve never had a bad experience flying due to fellow passengers. Perhaps the only “annoying” experience was when my husband and I took a somewhat last minute trip up to Oregon to see his family. We booked our flights late and the only seats we could get together were one behind the other.

The first leg of the trip, a young man happily traded seats with my husband so we could sit together. The second leg of the trip, however, the ladies around us practically turned up their noses and snapped, “No!” when we asked if they would trade. I grumbled and in my mind I pretended to put a curse on the rudest one that someday someone would refuse to let her sit near her husband on a long flight, too.

On a whole, though, my flying experiences have been good. I’m always braced for the day my luggage gets lost, or my flight gets diverted somewhere else due to weather or a plane malfunction. (I did once get stuck on the tarmac for about half an hour due to an engine issue, but that was pretty mild of an experience.) I’ve really gotten pretty good, though, at being prepared for as much as one can be prepared for when flying.

I prefer to sit as close to the front as possible. It means a quicker exit afterwards, and for some reason, I just like the way the plane feels upon assent sitting up front.

My top tips to novice travelers:

– grab a drink in the airport before boarding. While most flights do offer drink service, its usually a good half hour into the flight before that happens. You’ll probably get thirsty before they get you your drink.

– chewing gum has been a life saver for me in the past when cabin pressure changes. So have these earplugs called Earplanes. They make a HUGE difference if you have sensative ears for any reason.

– if you’ve got sinus issues, try to re-book your flight. I’ve had to fly with sinus pain and pressure, and it was the WORST flying experience ever. The last half hour of my flight was pure torture, and I had one ear plugged for several days after. It would have been worth it to reschedule my flight a couple days later.

– don’t get upset if your bag gets chosen to be searched. They’re just doing their jobs. If you’ve got nothing to hide, you’ve got nothing to worry about. They see super-sexy underwear and other unmentionables every day. You’re not unique in this, and they aren’t going to remember you from all the other bags they see in a day. (The only thing I still get heckled up about is when they search my bag and leave it in total disarray. That does grate on my nerves.)

– if you have an item that MUST get there, pack it in your carry-on. While a majority of the time, your luggage will arrive the same time you do, the chances of a lost bag when you need that bag most seem to double. Bridesmaid’s dress? Uniform? Medication? Favorite team’s jersey for the game? Put it in your carry-on.

– this goes for your expensive jewelry, electronics, etc. Unfortunately, things like that have been known to mysteriously disappear out of checked luggage.

– fly Southwest. I don’t work for SWA; I’m just a fan. The last six times I’ve flown with them, they’ve been between 5 and 20 minutes early to arrive. Their staff is friendly (and most really funny, too!) and professional. They don’t charge for your bags, still offer free drink and snack service, and they have the easiest procedure for changing your flight of any airline I’ve used. Last week, they called my cell phone while I was going through security to notify me of my gate changing in the last five minutes! THAT really blew me away.

Sunset from the sky... beauty you only see from a plane.

I am going to close here with some of my favorite airline travel sites.

– Flight Memory: Lets you keep track of flights you’ve taken and flights you will take. It gives you your stats on all your flights, and it is just an all-around interesting site. (For example: I’ve flown 53,892 miles, and my average flight is 869 mi, 2:10 hrs.)

– Flight Explorer and FlightAware: Track any flight as it progresses. These sites are really handy when you are waiting to pick someone up at the airport. It shows what path their flight took, their altitude, speed and projected time of arrival. I use both as sometimes, as weird as it sounds, a flight will be on one site, but not on the other.

– Seat Guru: Everything you want to know about what kind of seat you’re getting on your flight. Leg room, whether the seat reclines or not, etc. are all taken into account while rating a seat. Check it out ahead of time to decide if you will even have room for that pillow, or if you need to make sure you can stow your carry-on above (versus under the seat in front of you.)

I took my first flight in 2004, and since that time I have racked up over 114 hours of flight time on 53 flights. Not many for some people (ie, my husband), but a lot more than others. I like to consider myself pretty much a pro at it at this point.

Security is a necessary evil, and I don’t mind the hassle so much. The liquid rules have proven to be a frustration sometimes, and I always wear either flip flops or boots to fly due to the fact that you have to take your shoes off going through security. Books, gum and the ipod are blessings on a long flight. My poor laptop battery just won’t hold enough of a charge to be much company, though.

However, I sincerely enjoy flying, and even though I do get this “what if” fear in the pit of my stomach just before I board, I know its a safer mode of transportation than driving. Besides, whether you fly at night or during the day — the views are breathtaking!

I’ve discovered something on my last few trips that were strictly for “vacation.” I’ve discovered that I understand my parents a lot more than I once did.

I remember as a child, any time we’d go on vacation, as soon as we got to our hotel room, I couldn’t wait to go DO something. The worst torture was when we’d go to Dallas to go to Six Flags!!! Those roller coasters! They called out to me! And yet Mom and Dad wanted to stay at the room for awhile. I couldn’t understand. I couldn’t comprehend. Nap when so much fun awaited???

Now? I understand. I find myself thoroughly enjoying time spent in a hotel room with my husband. No cats begging for food. No laundry to do. No dishes to watch. I may bring some work along with me to do on the computer, but I can do it on my own time at my own pace. It’s definitely a “getaway.” Why rush off to do something that will be there later, when a nap beckons to me? It’s the beauty of vacation. No rushing.

Right now, I write from beautiful Portland, Oregon. Snow and rain seem to be our weather companion this trip, causing some concern as to when we head over the mountain to the coast. However, it’s also an absolutely gorgeous sight to this Texas-born Nashvillian. I’m excited to see friends and family, but I’m also enjoying the leisurely pace we have set for ourselves by planning a longer-than-usual stay. No cramming things into a few days. We have time for ourselves… time we can spend out sightseeing or snuggled down in our hotel room.

Yes, traveling can be very stressful and tiring. However, the end result — the destination — most often makes it all so worthwhile.

It’s been a long time since I wrote here. Primarily, that is because things have been just crazy.

My husband changed jobs. However, he spent a period of time working for his former artist as well as his new artist. I keep two schedules for him. One in simple spreadsheet format. The other on a calendar. Despite my double-schedule system, I have had a hard time keeping up with where he was supposed to be when and with which camp! Luckily, by having to focus harder for that period of time, I’m having an easier time keeping his one schedule memorized now.

I love problem solving. I love the challenge of keeping a schedule on track. Yes, it gets frustrating at times. However, I thrive under pressure. I guess that’s part of why I went into journalism for my degree. Those deadlines actually thrill me even as they can be stressful. So, in a similar respect, keeping up with the crazy schedule we keep is actually fun to me.

We are entering peak travel season, though, and airline stress multiplies when talking about big groups. Especially big groups with gear and a time schedule.

My husband has had his share of crazy travel stories in the last month. I know he’s sick of flying by now, but I also know he’ll have plenty more flights coming at him soon. What is worrisome is news reports like the one I saw just the other day. Over-booked flights. Unable to get a later flight when a flight is canceled or you’re bumped from one. It all just gets to be added stresses for everyone involved.

Peak travel season is also peak tour season for musicians. I’m spending more and more time home alone, but I’m also getting out more with friends. I also have friends coming from back home to visit me soon. I’m looking forward to that!

It also means, though, that time when my husband is home is more precious. Be it a few days, or only a few hours. I’ll take what I can get.