Musician's Widow

Me dressed up as St. Therese

With the start of a new month, along comes the job of flipping the calendar pages. As I changed the religious calendar I have hanging on the basement door, I couldn’t help but make note of the fact that October 1st is the feast of St. Therese of the Child of Jesus (aka St. Therese of Lisieux or “The Little Flower“). It made me smile with a memory.

The photo over here on the right? That is me, dressed up as St. Therese. November 1st is All Saints Day, and at least one year while in (basically) bible school, we were encouraged to dress up as our favorite saint. My mom had told me a lot about St. Therese and she was my favorite saint.

Mom made my costume, and she went all out. I was definitely the best dressed of those that dressed up. (Hey, I just call it like I see it.) I still smile at that memory, and I can’t believe I actually found a photo of me in my costume!

Therese was also the saints name I took for my Catholic Confirmation.

That was many, many years ago, and I’ve long since forgotten much of St. Therese’s story. I took last night as my opportunity to research her again. I thought I’d share some of my favorite excerpts from what I read…

“What matters in life,” she wrote, “is not great deeds, but great love.” [Link]

“Instead of being discouraged, I told myself: God would not make me wish for something impossible and so, in spite of my littleness, I can aim at being a saint. It is impossible for me to grow bigger, so I put up with myself as I am, with all my countless faults.” [Link]

Thérèse herself said on her death-bed, “I only love simplicity. I have a horror of pretence” [Link]

The depth of her spirituality, of which she said, “my way is all confidence and love,” has inspired many believers. [Link]

“Love proves itself by deeds, so how am I to show my love? Great deeds are forbidden me. The only way I can prove my love is by scattering flowers and these flowers are every little sacrifice, every glance and word, and the doing of the least actions for love.” [Link]

I went to church tonight. I’m embarrassed to admit its the first time I’ve been all year. I’m pretty sure its the first time I’ve been since Christmas. That’s really not like me, to miss mass in this big of a block. I guess to my defense, I AM living these days just trying to catch up, so I guess I should say I am grateful to finally catch up with church!

This weekend’s Gospel was about being fishers of men, and the homily was about how we help one another. With faith that things will work out, we reach out and help our fellow man and as such, we become fisher’s of men in God’s name. That probably isn’t as clear as I mean for it to be, but I think the idea is still there.

A pastor I had through high school pushed using your “time, talents and treasures” to help others. Tonight’s homily made me think of that, and I felt like it went hand in hand with that idea.

I’ve found ideas I have when I’m in church tend to be ones I need to run with… God speaks a little clearer when you’re in a church, after all. I’ve been wanting to write more on faith with a heavier hand toward religion for awhile. After all, writing about it would be using my time, talents and treasures! I really haven’t wanted to do that in this blog, though, and I’ve also felt a lot of fear towards doing it.

However, I’ve decided to start a second blog strictly for my thoughts on God and religion and faith. Like I said, I’ve felt fear about this. It is going to be a big step out of my comfort zone. I’ve sworn for a long time that I wouldn’t talk too much about religion since its so personal to each individual. Its so personal to me, that’s for sure! However, I will strive to keep the blog open and uplifting, but in the same breath be honest and (somewhat) blunt.

It’s a new goal for me! It’ll also be a new challenge… one I am most certainly ready to attempt.

Going into this year, I said time and time again how the new year had to be better than the last. Moving would be forcing us to make big changes, and it would also give us a new place from which to leap into the year.

Here we are, 12 days into the new year, and as I talk to friends (or as I skim Facebook) I find that a strong majority of my friends and family are also using 2011 for new beginnings.

I know of at least four weddings this year, if not five. I know of several pregnancies. Friends are also packing up and making big moves. Still others are looking for new jobs. Some have even opted to go back to school.

Everywhere I look, I see everyone with something new… even if its simply a new life motto. It’s almost as if we all took 2010 to try to “fix” things, while 2011 is instead a reboot for us all.

As I look around me, I still see so very many problems in my country and in the world. But I’ve always believed big change happens after individual changes are made. It only takes a spark to start a fire, after all.

And perhaps, instead of trying to fix problems, or instead of looking at the big picture and how “dismal” things are (because, c’mon, last year we looked at the big picture a LOT with government deficits, etc.), if we all just take the initiative to fix things individually and internally, we can start to see some changes to the big picture. Even a forest grows one tree at a time, after all.

I don’t know! Maybe my optimistic self is starting to bounce back these days, but I am really feeling hopeful for this year. Not just for myself, but for all of my friends and family. For everyone who is making changes, no matter how big or how small. Dream your dreams. Make your new goals. Make those crazy changes you’ve been afraid to make. You’ll never know what kind of positive change it could be until you try.

I think few people would disagree with me when I say this: 2010 STUNK.

Oh, I know. It had its high points. Other years have stunk, too. January to December is arbitrary start and stop points in the grand scheme of things. Yadda yadda yadda. Doesn’t matter. I look back on 2010 with a scowl on my face. I actually FEEL 30 in a lot of ways. I guess the year aged me to my age for a change. Perhaps that is not such a bad thing, but its also not what you ever want to say.

What made the year so bad you ask? It just felt like an uphill climb the entire time. We lived month to month financially. I became buried in a dark cloud financially that, yes I created, but it was also one that was created at a time when the idea of being able to dig out of it was not far-fetched. Then life happened, and it all came to a head in 2010.

I ended up taking comfort in watching the news and hearing of others right where we are. We at least had family and friends to lean on… we at least had work in general. I was thankful for my blessings, but it was hard to not sink into a stressful depression.

Time and time again, we found ourselves taking one step forward, two steps back. We found ourselves making hard decisions — selling my husband’s truck, canceling services that we realized were a luxury. We definitely learned  the difference between want and need!

And perhaps its within things like that, that I look into 2011 with optimism. We’ve learned hard lessons and picked up new habits that will make big differences for us in the new year. What first felt like the last blow, we are having to move. But now I look on the change with optimism for a clean slate. I, myself, laid a lot of groundwork in my writing and photography. I go into 2011 with optimism professionally, and with hope that changes we’ve made will have a positive effect.

I’ve picked up a motto and belief this year… that its after our greatest failures that our greatest successes are realized. 2010 is one of the hardest years I’ve ever experienced, and its my belief that 2011 will follow with stark contrast of positive strides professionally, financially and even personally.

Week three of Advent is upon us, and this week we light the pink candle on the Advent wreath.

Week one here.
Week two here.

Week 3: JOY

Somewhere along the way of “growing up,” we lose sight of the joy that this season brings. We get wrapped up in worries about finances, gift giving, making a good impression at Christmas parties, and making sure everyone else is happy. However, the joy of the season is meant for everyone. The old, the young, the rich, the poor… this season isn’t about gifts. It isn’t even really about twinkling lights or sparking diamonds. It’s about being surrounded by those we love. It’s about taking joy from seeing others’ joy. It’s about the sparkle in someones eyes when they see those twinkling lights, falling snow and/or take in the story of Christmas. May we all find joy in what really matters, and may we revel in that all the days of our lives.

You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound.
Psalm 4:7

With this sudden move looming, I won’t be doing much to prepare for Christmas. Our outdoor lights won’t be going up. I did decorate a little inside, but sadly, that will all come down within a couple weeks.  What preparations we’re doing comes in the form of decorating with friends, or just personal focus shifting to the season. I have a few gifts purchased, and I look forward to wrapping them. I need to put my cards in the mail soon, as well.

Last week, I started a focus on Advent. Tonight, I will continue it here:

Week 2: PEACE

“Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me.”  Its one of my favorite hymns. I remember one particular Christmas eve night. I was riding the back seat of my parents car, on our way home from midnight mass. It was cold, and the sky was clear. A million stars twinkled above, as we cruised down a small farm-to-market road through the country. I felt so peaceful. I think its a moment in time when I can pinpoint feeling total peace. A shooting star streaked across the sky, and I closed my eyes to make a wish. I don’t remember the wish, but I remember that it didn’t matter if it came true or not. All that mattered was how perfect that night seemed…

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.
John 14:27