Musician's Widow

Tomorrow, I will be attending my 10 Year Class Reunion. In these days, I will take the opportunity to look back on ten of my favorite elements of high school (in no particular order of importance)…

#1 – In loving memory…

I went to visit my friend yesterday, and I took her a single red rose. I miss her dearly.

Five years after graduation, the Class of 1999 lost one of its members in an automobile accident. I lost a friend who had a very special place in my heart… a friend who still has that place to this day.

While I am sure I knew Candace somehow through elementary school, it was in sixth grade that our friendship seemed to really spark. At least, that is when my fond memories of her start.

We had sixth grade science together, and we had to participate in the science fair. That meant having to purchase a presentation board for the fair.

Candace paid for hers in all pennies.

Later that year, I forget what our class was doing that she brought deviled eggs to class as part of her project. However, I do remember going to her after class and saying, “Hey… I’ll be your best friend if I can have one…” She pretty much rolled her eyes at me the same time I rolled my eyes internally at myself for even using that old cliche.

I did not know when I said that, though, that she would be one of those people to truly leave a mark on my life that will be there until the day I die.

I have SEVERAL pictures of Candace taking a picture of me while I took a picture of her. It was like a running joke.

Candace simply had this open and innocent nature, even as you knew she’d already lived a lot of life by junior high. I don’t think anyone would disagree with me when I say she had this ditziness that made you shake and scratch your head, and yet she was in National Honor Society in high school and took advanced placement classes.

She was a natural beauty, one of those rare beauties who didn’t have to wear make-up or fix her hair to still stand out in a crowd. That fact was one part natural good looks and one part inner beauty that shown through her personality and easy smile. I really don’t think she was ever want for male attention, and yet I don’t know of many women who would have begrudged her that fact.

I could go on and on about memories I have of our friendship, but I will do my best to keep it short… ish.

Candace would always wear her ponytail up high on her head, and she quickly earned the nickname “Pebbles.” I still have cards from her signed with that name. A Pebbles she was, too!

I remember calling to dedicate LeAnn Rimes’ “(Don’t Ever Lose) That Light in Your Eyes” to her on WACO 100. And she would dedicate any given song back to me. I wish I could remember now what it was she called in now. That part of that  memory escapes me, but LeAnn’s song always reminds me of her.

Me and Candace at Flag camp -- 1997

So does “Wonderwall” by Oasis, as I still remember her singing along to it in the cafeteria when it would come on the jukebox.

She went to the same church as I did, and we went through Confirmation together. I think it was during projects we did as part of our Confirmation that she met my brother. I remember that she was one of the only friends of mine that my brother actually stopped me to tell me, “She’s really cool. I like her!” I told her that one day, and she would always — from then forward — make sure to go out of her way to say hello to him whenever he was around.

Un-apologetically open and friendly. That was Candace.

I remember, also, as we worked on a project for Confirmation, she and another friend spent the night at my house with me. She wanted to know why we made her sleep on the love seat, while the two of us had the couches. I pointed out she was a good five inches shorter than both of us.She took it good naturedly, but pouted about it nonetheless. What I’d give to banter with her again, if only for a few minutes.  It would almost always end in gales of laughter.

These two were unseperable!

Candace was a member of the Flag Corp, and that sisterhood offered even more memories. Too many to even begin to list.

This weekend is homecoming, and Candace made her appearance on the Homecoming court. She shined out there on that field.

Our Senior year, near the end of the Fall Semester, we came close to losing her in an auto accident. I still remember when the call came, and I got word it had happened. I went numb…

One of my favorite photos in our Senior Yearbook is a photo of Candace in her cap and gown, with a far away look in her eyes. She came all too close to not being there that night, and yet there she was. A few more scars on her body, but she was there with our class. Getting her diploma with the rest of us.

She would always bring her tax return to have my parents prepare it for her. The last time I saw her was on a very cold February or March day, when I met her and her boyfriend at my parent’s office to get their tax information from them.

Candace giving me a pout... Our last night to ever perform together on the field. -- 1997

My parents had to run an errand out of town, and I was more than happy to meet Candace, who had an appointment that Saturday morning, at the office for them. I hadn’t seen her in far too long, and I itched to know how she was doing. For even though we had drifted in location, and we didn’t “hang out” any more nor did we ever run around and go out together, I still considered her one of my very best friends.

However, I drove up late only to discover I had the wrong keys. We didn’t get a chance to visit much as we stood there shivering and she handed me their information outside.

I hugged her tightly and we said a very hasty good bye to get back into our warm vehicles. I apologized up and down for my tardiness and for forgetting my keys. I still remember her giving me her patented, “You’re crazy” look and laughing at my being so flustered — something only someone so familiar with you can do and you know its done out of love.

The next year, I missed her coming into the office to drop off and pick up her return. I had no idea it would be my last chance to ever see her again.

I got word that night in April 2003 that there had been an accident. Once again I went numb. She’d cheated death before, but was not so lucky this time. This world lost a light that night, but it gained an angel above. I like to think she’s one of my guardian angels… be it true or not, it gives me comfort.

I had a final in one of my major Journalism courses at Texas A&M the day of her funeral. It was one of the finals you were there to take even if you had 103 fever. Candace was always one of my biggest cheerleaders (and not to mention an Aggie fan!), and I felt she would probably kick my butt if I missed my final. However, I did make it to the Rosary the night before. That night is my very last, deeply treasured, memory of her.

So as the Class of 1999 gathers tomorrow night, her absence will be felt deeply. She’s not there by choice. She’s not there because… she’s not here.

I went to visit her grave yesterday, and I mused to myself, “Where would she be today if…” as I stared at her headstone.

I know that asking that question doesn’t get me anywhere. I instead choose to believe in my heart that she’s smiling down on me and everyone she ever cared about and loved in life. I choose to believe she is happy that I’ve accomplished as many of my dreams as I have. Happy I’ve found a man I love to grow old with. Happy I have a wonderful family who all also remember her fondly. Happy to be one of the voices in my conscience, guiding me in various tasks and decisions. Happy to be poking fun at me when I do something goofy.

Here’s to believing wherever she is now, she’s happy and smiling nonstop. She deserves absolutely nothing less.

In two days, I will be attending my 10 Year Class Reunion. In these days, I will take the opportunity to look back on ten of my favorite elements of high school (in no particular order of importance)…

#2 – Graduation

Thirteen years had lead to that night.

Kindergarten at St. Monica’s. First and second grade at Ben Milam Elementary. Third through fifth at Ada Henderson. Junior high at O.J. Thomas. Finally Yoe High School.

Hours of classes. Hours of homework. All the organizations. All the events. The love. The pride. The friendships that would fade. The friendships that would last a lifetime.

It all culminated on May 29, 1999 at 8:00 pm on Yoe High School Athletic Field when we stood for one last time as one unit. We were and are the Class of 1999.

The day of graduation started with practice both on the field and in the gymnasium (in case of rain). We came really close to having to be in the gym, as I remember the sky having a distinctly greenish tinge to it, as storms churned and billowed in the area.

I sat ranked 13th in my class. I would be heading off to Temple College in the fall, followed by Texas A&M University in College Station. I would soon be a member of the Fightin’ Texas Aggie Class of 2003, along with many of my Yoe High classmates. We had future Texas Longhorns and Southwest Texas Bobcats. Baylor Bears and Texas Tech Red Raiders.  Some would be going straight into the work force. Others would be getting ready to start families.

My Senior Portraits - 1999

However in that moment, in that place and time, we were all on the same page. The whole world and our lives ahead of us. We were jumping off into it with the safety net of our education but without any guarantees. However, we had in our hands, inside the maroon leather cover, our high school diplomas. And that was enough.

I think everyone in my class will agree that one of the most memorable parts of the night was our salutatorian reading Dr. Seuss’ “Oh The Place You’ll Go.” We had the oldest daughter of our school board president in our class, and I remember her hugging her dad when she got her diploma.  We sang “On Yoe High” one last time. We turned our tassels and stood poised to dash across the field.

As the night ended, we knew not what the future held. And somehow, it didn’t matter. We’d done it. We’d made it to our graduation night. We had something to celebrate.

Friends and classmates forever...

Friends and family swarmed the field. Pictures were taken and there were hugs and tears. Most of my class went on to Senior Celebration that night after graduation. I opted to celebrate at home with family. I also had obligations at church early the very next morning, so I skipped my class party. Therefore, when I look back on graduation, I realize that it was the last time I saw and spoke to many of my classmates.

These people were a constant for me. I had stood beside them. I had learned beside them. I had played with and relied upon them for the last thirteen years. Suddenly, that would no longer happen. I was excited for my future. But I also mourned the loss of these relationships.

I look back upon that night as a huge turning point in life. It was a step from something familiar out into the great unknown of life.

Life is a still a great unknown… but my educations (high school and college,  the practical, social and academic) have given me the tools to navigate through it, one challenge, failure and success at a time.

Yoe High Class of 1999 -- There were freaks and hippies in my high school // Football players all tryin’ to be cool // And everybody scramblin’ to hide their beer // When the cops drove by ‘til the coast was clear // Kids fallin’ in and out of love // On the hood of Chevys, in the beds of trucks // We were stumblin’ our way through life ‘til our senior year

In three days, I will be attending my 10 Year Class Reunion. In these days, I will take the opportunity to look back on ten of my favorite elements of high school (in no particular order of importance)…

#3 – Prom

Prom 1998 & 1999

Prom is one of those events in a high school career that you look forward to starting around the time you can say the word “prom.” Or at least it was for me. A night to get all dressed up and go out for what promised to be a magical evening.

In reality, was it magical? Maybe not so much. It was, however, a lot of fun.

In my high school, prom was for Juniors and Seniors. The Junior class hosted the prom, and the Seniors were the special guests of the night. Neither year did I have a date, instead I went out a group of girlfriends for the night.

Our Junior year, we loaded up and went out to eat prior to going to the prom. My parents loaned us their Grand Marquis to drive for the night, and we road in leather seat luxury.

After wards, we all spent the night at one of the girls’ parent’s house. We made a night of it! Prom followed by a big slumber party.

Our Senior year, due to timing issues (mostly my having UIL competition that same day), we opted to have dinner after prom.

The year before, we’d been late arriving, and we agreed the most fun of the night had really been the beginning: the grand march. And then, of course, you wanted to get your prom picture taken early when you still looked your best.

I have to give it to the Class of 2000… they did a fantastic job decorating the VFW where we held prom. Looking back, I do think they did a better job hosting prom than my class did. (Just my personal opinion, of course.) We were late to our dinner reservations, because we were having too much fun to leave prom!

Dinner was wonderful, though, and after wards we headed to another friend’s house for our “slumber party.” Our biggest giggle of the night had to be the flat tire we got on our way home. We had to wait for help to come as none of us could see ourselves trying to change a tire in long dresses, hair and nails done.

But we eventually made it to the post-party, and our night ended quietly tucked away in an upstairs den fast asleep surrounded by the friends we’d hold forever in hearts.

Prom is generally considered a night for couples. For me, it was a night of best friends, prom dresses, and snap shots of memories that will last a lifetime.

Friendships & Prom Memories

In four days, I will be attending my 10 Year Class Reunion. In these days, I will take the opportunity to look back on ten of my favorite elements of high school (in no particular order of importance)…

#4 – Journalism: Yearbook & Newspaper

The Yoeman Arrow -- Our school newspaper. I served as Editor of the paper for a couple years.

In eighth grade, we signed up for classes for our freshman year of high school. Most of the classes were a given. The core classes and several of the electives were set in stone ahead of time. However, I had one class period left to fill. What to take? What to take?

I saw a choice for Journalism, and the actual thought through my brain: “That should be an easy A…”

No one told me if would change my life.

Within weeks of taking my first Journalism course, my whole life plan went from being a teacher some day to being a journalist. I devoured every lesson. I found a talent for the writing style. My successes in UIL Journalism competitions fueled my fire. By the end of my freshman year, I had a feature article appear in the school newspaper, and I was officially hooked for good.

I was on the yearbook and newspaper staff for the next three years, and I eventually took over as editor of the newspaper. My time and work in the journalism department was without a doubt the time spent making strides for my future. I worked closely with the editor of my town’s newspaper, and I have to say that he taught me techniques that I rely on still today.

I spent hours of time outside of school working on the newspaper. My Senior year, I took the newspaper from being a single page in the local newspaper, to a two page tab-style insert. I would literally lock myself in my bedroom for a full weekend composing the newspaper in QuarkXPress, editing photos in Photoshop. My teacher/sponsor would critique the paper after it was printed, and I would learn more from those critiques that I would have had someone sat down and showed me what to do. Often, you learn more from your mistakes than from your successes.

My yearbooks

My best friend was editor of the yearbook, and I worked closely with her to turn out that project as well. Hours would be spent in school working to make page deadlines. We would meet during the summer to proof pages as they came back from the publisher. A handful of us would oversee Senior portraits just before school started each year.

Advertising sales, layouts, and deadlines were all common to those of us who really gave the yearbook and newspaper the attention and dedication it required to produce a quality product.

I was given a crash course in using the school’s cameras to be a backup photographer when we needed one. Boy things would have been easier had digital photography been as common as it is today! Nonetheless, I think that this is when my interest in photography really got a spark.

I had two amazing Journalism teachers in my four years of high school. They really pushed me and fueled my fire. Due to the magic of email and Facebook, I’m still in touch with both of them today. I hope they know how much of an impact they had on me, because had it not been for them I would probably not be writing this today. I would probably not be pursuing a dream of making writing a profitable career for myself. I would be a different person… and while that would probably be great as well, I’m REALLY happy to be who and where I am now.

And it all started by checking the box beside “Journalism” under electives in eighth grade.

The purpose of the ARROW is…

Acquaint students with Yoe traditions and ideals.
Report school news fairly and impartially.
Render support for scholastic standards.
Offer aid and information to its readers.
Work for the betterment of Yoe High School.

In five days, I will be attending my 10 Year Class Reunion. In these days, I will take the opportunity to look back on ten of my favorite elements of high school (in no particular order of importance)…

#5 – Wheels

My Old Parking Tags

A big thing every teenager thinks about when they enter high school: DRIVING!

I was no different. I was excited to sign up for drivers ed when I was a freshman. The first semester I had Health class, and then second semester was Drivers Ed. I’ll be honest, I don’t remember much about “in class” study. I do remember the simulators, though!

They were older, and half the simulator units didn’t quite work right. But you still got the effect of driving a vehicle, and honestly the lessons learned in that trailer as we pretended to drive are the ones that stuck with me most. I still think of that simulator any time I look before changing lanes! (And, personally, I think a lot of drivers today could use a few hours in a simulator course to go over some basic driving laws and rules.)

I passed my written exam in one try, and I was ecstatic to have my learners permit in hand.

I was one of the first to have summer driving. We had to complete a certain number of hours in a car (with a teacher) driving and then observing. So, we were paired up with a fellow student to do our driving. I actually did my summer driving before school had even let out for summer!  I have to confess that I passed parallel parking thanks to the passenger break my instructor had at his disposal. However, everything else came down to just good practice behind the wheel. As with many things, the more you practice, the better you do, and I do think those hours summer driving were important. (Sidebar: I sometimes wonder if our teenagers today are getting enough practical experience behind the wheel before being let loose on our highways and interstates?)

On my 16th birthday, even though technically I wasn’t supposed to do it that way, I got my Dad to sign me out of school to go get my driver’s license. I was so excited, and I didn’t want to wait until after school!!! It only took maybe fifteen minutes, but it made me feel like a million dollars.

* 1989 Ford Taurus.

My first car getting a bath at a Flag Corp fundraiser in 1997.

The first vehicle I drove to school was my dad’s black Ford F-150 Supercab truck. However, that only lasted about a week before I had my first car: a 1989 Ford Taurus.

I loved that car. Some of my favorite memories of that car include:

– going to sell advertising for the yearbook. All my friends and I piled into the car and went on our way. I missed my turn one afternoon, and instead of going around the block I insisted on going about two blocks in reverse to catch the correct turn.

It was a small town. You could do stuff like that there.

– it being weather central before Baccalaureate and Graduation ceremonies in which tornado watches and warnings kept popping up all around us. I was parked right beside the band hall, and about fifteen people (including band directors!) crowded around my car as we listened to the weather reports.

– listening to CDs on my portable CD player thanks to the cassette tape adapter. I had quite the CD collection by then, but (as per my last blog entry) Bryan White was what you could usually hear being piped out of my speakers.

When it came time to sell that car, I was very sad to see it go. I grew quite attached to that car! It was my first ride, and like your first love… you never forget it.

One of my final memories of the car was when the back window got busted out due to a flying rock when the lot it sat on for sale was being mowed. One of the best things about the car was the rear-window defrost, but the price of putting one back in was just too much. So, it was replaced with a regular back window, and I think it eventually went to an auto auction to be sold. Nonetheless, it was gone after it had already been replaced…

Red... my beloved truck that my brother and I squabble over who is going to own some day

* 1983 Ford F-150.
You can buy anything at Wal-Mart, you know. It’s where my second vehicle was purchased, after all!

When I was little, I would always talk about how much I wanted “a red and white truck.” I still remember one sat outside of a house we drove by every morning on the way to school when I was in elementary school. I would stare at it longingly. Some day, I wanted a red and white truck.

Fast forward several years and my parents noticed a truck for sale in the Wal-Mart parking lot, and the decided to call to inquire about it. It turned out to be a good deal, and after being looked over by my brother (who is an ASE certified mechanic) and given a thumbs up, my dad brought it home for me to drive.

I admit to being a little nervous the first time I drove it to school! Going from a low profile sedan to a long-bed pick-up truck was a transition! But its also one I have never turned away from to this day.

That truck still sits at my parents house, and my brother and I regularly banter over who is going to own it some day. I say I get first dibs, because it was mine in high school! Time will tell, of course, but one thing time has not changed: I love that truck.

Red freshly repainted (except for the inside of the bed, obviously) -- 2007

I was a Junior when my brother took it and we got dual exhaust put on it. Straight out the back was my request, and boy did it purr with a low rumble once it was done. I still remember when a guy in one of my classes asked me why I got dual exhaust put on my truck. I was pretty baffled… why WOULDN’T I get it done?? It needed a new exhaust system anyway. Why not go all out and make it — excuse me — bad ass!?

That truck has a personality all its own, that’s for sure. It smells like an old truck on the inside. I love the click of the doors when you open them. The sliding rear glass, and the high beam switch on the floor. The interior light that only turns on after you hit the ceiling just right. I had to put a new radio in it, and I scored speakers for behind the seat so it would thump.

Right out of high school, the truck needed a new transmission, which was an adventure in and of itself. It had to have the top repainted, and since then the paint has been refreshed a second time. I eventually moved on to new models of the F-150 for safety features (a 2000, 2002, 2003, 2005 and 2007 to be exact over time… one of those died in an auto accident and the rest due to being a lease and my decision to move up when the mileage got too high for the lease.) However, that 1983 remains my favorite of all the vehicles I’ve ever driven. I drove it to my high school graduation. I drove it to my first day of college.  It definitely drove me to many important events and changes in high school… heck, in my life.

I had an old beat up Ford pick-up truck
That I drove around when I was 18
And I must confess though I tried my best
That old bed in the back was only used for hauling leaves
I was a nerd back then
I’m still nerd right now
Some things never change.
– Some Things Never Change by Tyler Flowers